JAB Funny Status Messages



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   messageicon Growing up Italian. My mothers meatballs are better than your Moms. . .
←Rate | 08-19-2014 10:47 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon No bids on Jay Cutler autographed football at charity event. Because he didn't sign it Tom Brady. . .
←Rate | 04-04-2015 19:12 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon The law of attraction is you will lick someone where they pee. . .
←Rate | 06-09-2016 11:16 by JAB Comments (1)  


   messageicon Ladies, it's October, breast cancer awareness month, I'm giving free breast exams. . .
←Rate | 10-01-2014 06:55 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I replaced hating everything with Justin Beiber. . .
←Rate | 03-06-2014 07:40 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Turtles should be taught to use skate boards when crossing the road. . .
←Rate | 03-05-2014 20:41 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I've been renting space in anyone's head, can I have my deposit back with interest. . .
←Rate | 03-10-2014 09:53 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I just save $329.99 from not buying 30 vials of Restasis for dry eyes by having someone come by my house three times a day and poke me in the eyes...
←Rate | 02-08-2017 21:07 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Have you noticed the words: Happy and Horny each have six letters like the number six has an x in it just like the word sex. Coincidence, I think not. . .
←Rate | 06-24-2014 16:19 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Boy the way Led Zeppelin played, songs that debuted on MTVeeem, guys like us were getting laid. . . those were the days. . .
←Rate | 08-28-2014 23:08 by JAB Comments (1)  


   messageicon Walk around like a secret agent. Hand cuff yourself to a briefcase and take public transportation. . .
←Rate | 03-17-2015 02:47 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I often wonder how that happens. He looks 100, she looks 30. Oh right, money can buy you anything. Than she is not worth it no matter how beautiful she is. . .
←Rate | 09-18-2014 06:12 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you're single, happy go f#ck yourself today. . .
←Rate | 02-14-2017 10:00 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon If $ex is a pain in the a$$ you're doing it wrong, that's not what that hole is for. . .
←Rate | 12-20-2015 17:17 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon If Hillary were President, she would be all, I am sorry, I am not sorry, I am sorry, I am not sorry, I am sorry, I am not sorry, What the hell, I am PMS'n leave me the f#ck alone. . .
←Rate | 10-10-2016 23:27 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ronda Rousey raped me, ok it wasn't rape, I enjoyed it. . .
←Rate | 03-01-2015 12:34 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Spoiler alert. It's sour cream
←Rate | 08-21-2020 10:06 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I use brown eggs occasionally, if I am going to egg someone's car. . .
←Rate | 03-16-2016 18:41 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will pay anyone $100 bucks to be at my wake in a Reapers costume holding a scythe. I will have it in my will to anyone who wants that job. . .
←Rate | 07-15-2014 23:46 by JAB Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some of you women need to stay out of my dreams, oh sorry.. I meant fantasies. . .
←Rate | 09-20-2014 09:29 by JAB Comments (0)  




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