Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   On his girlfriend's birthday, a guy took her to the car sale. Pointing at a tomato red BMW, he says, "Happy birthday honey! You see that red car? I bought you nail polish in the same colour”.

   Somewhere out there, someone is lying in the wet spot right now.

   Ladies: If he is only interested in your breasts, legs and thighs send him to KFC. Don't be his value meal.

   I shall open my own deli and my slogan will be: "No one beats my meat!"

   A pastor was caught by a fellow church member breaking into a church safe. The pastor shouted, “Blessed are those who see no evil, hear no evil and tell no evil” The fellow church member replied, "Amen, for they shall receive their equal share"

   Maybe fake people will pretend to be real on Halloween.

   I don't have a short temper; I just have a quick reaction to bullsh!t.

   Don't worry and stress too much over material things. Material things are good to have but they aren't everything. Have you ever seen anyone stuff a Bentley or a mansion in their casket and take it to Heaven?

   So when does "Kris Humphries Nightmare Divorce" begin shooting?

   The 'unlike' button is the closest we are ever gonna get to a 'dislike' button.

   If money is the root of all evil, why do they ask for it in churches?

   Too many people complain about their looks, but not nearly enough complain about their brains.

   Your story doesn't add up, so feel free to stop lying.

   Always remember: Sometimes you can make people UNHAPPY with your HAPPINESS.

   If you insist on acting like an idiot then I must insist on treating you like one.

   I'm sorry officer, I thought you wanted to race.

   You deserve good things, and I want to be one of them.

   If you're always honest you will never feel stupid.

   Don't let your ego write a check your character can't cash.

   Don't feel bad Westerners, somewhere there is a Chinese kid in an American restaurant struggling with a knife & fork.