J. BIAZA Funny Status Messages

   Watching depression medication commercials makes me depressed. I'm just glad herpes commercials don't have the same effect.

   99 problems. 99 bottles of beer on the wall. Problems solved.

   It bothers me when I see tax money wasted on signs telling deer where to cross the road.

   Who stopped payment on my reality check?

   Not even Clint Eastwood could make a Segway cop look bad a$$.

   If you're cooking alphabet soup on the stove and leave it unattended, it could spell disaster.

   If you can't afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don't know where you are!

   I know my limits. I don't pay any attention to them, but I know them.

   I always say the things better left unsaid.

   Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.