Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   When you find someone who finally understands you, the world will go away.

   My wife and I are doing the same thing for Valentine's Day that we do every year: Laughing at all the people who spend too much money!

   My heart is in a relationship, but I am single - It's complicated.

   Note to self, don't introduce yourself to the new neighbors until they have all the heavy stuff moved in.

   at night all the people go to sleep and I talk to wall....REALLY FACEBOOK WALL

   Really struggling on what to get my girlfriend for Valentines Day. I mean, I'd hate to get her the same thing as her Husband does. That would be embarassing.

   If you really need to set aside one day a year to show your "love" then obviously that person doesn't mean much to you

   a valentines day nonbeliever!!!

   I get fewer Valentines than Christmas cards. ....I got one Christmas card

   Love is in the air..... Good thing I have my gas mask on xD

   Just think, the one for you is walking the earth right now! Probably in a Wall-Mart somewhere!

   was stopped outside BOOTS chemist by a woman with a clipboard who asked "Can I ask you what products you use for grooming" you should have seen the look on her face when I replied "Sure... Haribo Sweets, Internet Chatrooms and a Small Puppy"

   Just moved the dog's bed to vacuum underneath and found a stack of pics of people's legs.

   Just think, the one for you is walking the earth right now! Probably in a zoo somewhere

   Tell your friends that the F5 key puts photos back the way they were on facebook:)

   V-day trick: Put a "I belong to (your name)" keychain in a ring box from Kay's and give it to your girlfriend. She will love it!

   127 Hours would have been better if immediately after he cut off his arm the rock shifted and landed on his foot.

   127 Hours would have been better if immediately after he cut off his arm the rock shifted and landed on his foot.

   I really am glad those Egypt people got they freedom....But let a Mo Fo hit me with a rock and wez gonna have some problems....

   When you find someone who finally understands you, the world will go away.