Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   A. B. C. D. E. F. G. Someone should've told you not to fu ck with me

   Real men don't cry........ Real men point and laugh at the fag thats crying...........

   wonders if the neighbors realize just how slow their Internet is...geezus I've been trying to watch 48 hours mystery for the last 2 hours!

   thinks that, that Veronica Vaughn is one piece of "ace"....I know from experience!!

   What is the generic brand name for Viagra? Mycauxaphallon.

   "Blonde men aren't dumb, they're evil. Like in the Karate Kid and World War II." - Bart Simpson

   has turned on Airplane mode on his Palm Pre, but so far it hasn't taken off.

   It takes a big man to cry. It takes an even bigger man to laugh at that man.

   two nuns are riding their bikes down a small stone trail, one nun tells the other "wow, I've never came this way before", "yeah I know, it must be these stones

   As the light changed from red to green to yellow and back to red again, I sat there thinking about life. Was it nothing more than a bunch of honking and yelling? Sometimes it seemed that way...

   wondering why women want men to open their car door for them, but yet they want to vote... PICK ONE!!!

   pissed...I started off with a manic Monday, but decided to have a funday instead...but then someone stole the 'n' outta my funday and it's just been a f.u.day!

   Don't look at me like I'm crazy when I ask if your store caries Ancient Indian Burial Ground Test Kits...

   Monday Morning just logged me out due to inactivity...

   It rubs the iPad on its skin or else it gets the Kindle again.

   An Unemployment Registry would make a lot more sense than a Wedding Registry.

   my 7 year old is all "F*ck homework!" and I'm all "I didn't adopt an Asian baby for you to suck at school!"

   McDonald's in a Walmart is like serving alcohol at an AA meeting.

   Do you think there's any limit to how many blades they'll put on razors? Like in 2025 there will be the Schick Annihilator 100.

   Conan O'Brien was on 60 Minutes this weekend . Jay Leno appeared 30 minutes in to take over due to 60 minutes "losing viewers and profits."