Funny Status Messages and Tweets

   * He more of a fearleader than a cheerleader.

   He says he is against the use of mail in ballots for elections, but yet he used a mail in ballout to cast is vote in the Florida primary election.

   Feeling sorry for cannibals who are social distancing. No handshakes… just cold shoulders.

   sorry folks, he will go down as one of the greatest Presidents in History

   25 days on lock down and I feel lazier than the guy who created the Japanese flag

   Everyone here is always like, “Eat the rich,” but then Carol Baskin feeds her millionaire husband to a tiger and it’s a problem, hypocrites

   If I ever get a dog, I think I'll name him Peeve. Then I can introduce him as my pet peeve.

   If loss of appetite is a symptom, I think most of us are safe.

   Maybe if I develop feelings for Covid 19 it will leave.

   The current 2020 calender has been scrapped. Going forward it has been redesigned as a year with 121 weeks. Each week is now 3 days long made up of Today, Tomorrow and Yesterday.

   I'm hoping the Coronavirus predictions are as off as the weather forecasts.

   I should have been more careful then making my New Year's resolution to hang out with more than two of my Facebook friends in 2020

   The WHO doesn't deserve funding since they haven't put out an album since the 1970's.

   the homeless guy who gives me handies for five bucks made me sanitize my junk first because of COVID concerns. that is pretty woke for a homeless dude.

   When I see all these zoom video chat conferences, I think of the opening scene of "The Brady Bunch"

   America is so desperate for sports, we'd even settle for soccer.

   I don’t know about you guys but I have been receiving at least 10 “potential spam” calls a day. I am not answering unless they bring me pre paid Visa cards.

   Why is it that before I go into the grocery store, I feel like I am about to pull off a heist?

   * His signature looks like one of his lie detector print outs.

   Everyone knows that Santa lives at the North Pole, but does anyone know where the Easter Bunny lives?