Rick h. Funny Status Messages

   Ever notice how that toothpaste falls so easily off your brush, but you can't wash it down the drain if you wanted to....

   After several hours of intense negotiating at the car dealership, I'm happy to say that I'm the proud owner of a 30ft. inflatible Gorilla...Yeah baby.....

   Three things I cannot do: (1) pass up a piece of cake, (2) say "rural" and (3) open a can of biscuits without yelling when it pops.

   I saw a license plate yesterday that said "I miss New York", so I smashed their window and snatched their laptop...

   Tonights Forecast in Libya: A beautiful full blue moon followed by a sky filled with long range missiles and a great air show.

   America... the only country in the world where not buckling your child in a seatbelt carries a bigger penalty than murdering your child.

   It is by far the most beautiful lump of coal you have ever seen..

   I like to write out my self-worth in roman numerals. It looks so much more impressive.

   People in Arkansas are curious if this health plan is going to cover tooth whitening.

   Watched way too much Shark week episodes last week. I fell off a pool float yesterday in the pool and started panicking.....

   Can we have a NO Kathy Griffin button?

   I have coughed so much this week I think I'm developing 6-pack abs.

   OMG! Anyone know the number of the water treatment plant? I need to let em know I just sent something their way that is going to cause trouble when it gets there....Lordy Lordy Lordy!

   I should have ordered only half a horse. No way, I can eat all this..

   Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.

   Haven't heard Obama say one thing about getting rid of Jersey Shore..

   Whoever decided this Halloween candy is the "fun" size is not someone I care to party with.

   They should make a app for the IPhone that yells "Code Blue Stat" when the battery is weak.

   I'm terrible with people's names. For example: I've known this guy Steve for years and just realized her name is actually Stacy.

   Looks like the Pope is headed for the old popes home..