jimbo Funny Status Messages

   An email virus caused millions of dollars in damages to home computers around the world this week. Time for some pay back...lets all punch a Nerd in the face!

   When some one says "wait for it".....as a comedic device. Its even funnier to just drop kick them in the balls real fast. I like this!

   Diarrhoea; the gay guys' period

   I always carry a bottle of acid in my pocket so if anyone tries to.attack me I can throw it in their face. Then all I need to do is outrun them for an hour until they start tripping.

   Just treated myself to a couple of chocolate fingers ..... That's the LAST time I buy cheap toilet paper.

   BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision. Fuck, how fast must they have been walking?

   They're going to be so pissed off in Chile when they get down the mine and only find Bart Simpson's walkie-talkie

   The next person to tell me I overreact is going to get stabbed.

   I used to be in a band called 'Missing Cat'................. You probably saw our posters.

   When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come. ....Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.

   Michelle Obama has been picked as the world's most powerful woman by Forbes. Coming in a close second place:............. Justin Bieber.

   Sean Connery came round my house to put some shelves up. They weren't level, so all my ornaments fell off. He looked at me with tears in his eyes and said, "I'm ashamed of my shelf"

   I hate how mainstream and famous the miners have become. I liked it when they were a bit more underground.

   Schizophrenia - together I can beat it.

   What do women and dog sh!t have in common? The older they are, the easier they are to pick up

   I thought I saw a two headed turtle once, but it turned out he was just having a sh!.

   "Now, how's he gonna read that magazine all rolled up like that?"... thought the spider.

   busy re-wrapping extra strength chocolate ex-lax in Hershey miniature wrappers for the Trick or Treat-ers this week end.

   One hot sunny afternoon a man was sitting in his lawn-chair drinking beer and listening to the game, while his wife mowed the lawn. The Lady next store observed this and scolded him.... "How can you sit there and let your wife do the hard work? Any man w

   My Nan has found a lump in each of her breasts. Turns out it was just her knees.