Ron Funny Status Messages

   wishes the voices in his head would quit singing off-key

   's friend was hit by a Dodge, which he/she found both funny and ironic.

   standing on his front lawn with his pants down waiting for Google Earth to come by and take his picture...

   an appetite for destruction...and he is starving this week

   wishes his lawn was emo, then maybe it would cut itself.

   wonders if people who use sign language are allowed to talk with their mouth full....

   says it's been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom....

   going to wear underwear on the outside of his clothes tomorrow to see if people assume he's crazy, or a superhero.

   thinks the fine people at Aleve are very wise indeed. For headaches, take two Aleve, and keep away from children.

   wondering ... When Weird Al Yankovic dies, will they do a parody of Michael Jackson's memorial?

   wonders why, if you send someone a fruit basket, you are thoughtful. If I mailed someone an orange and a banana, they'd wonder, "What the hell is wrong with that guy?"

   hates it when you go down to get a midnight snack and get excited to find some treasure in the fridge, only to have your hopes and dreams dashed by the treasure being so far past it's expiration date that only Ashton Kutcher would be interested...

   The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What ..does a woman want?

   woke up my wife this morning. She started feeling my face with her eyes closed. I asked her what she's doing and she said "Looking for the off button."

   Facebook has just suggested I poke my wife . . . Yeah good one facebook . . . Been trying for weeks . .

   a Blonde just texted me and asked "what does idk stand for? " I said "i dont know" she said "omg! nobody does!"

   I hate it when people steal my ideas before I think of them.

   thinks work is becoming a nice little break from Facebook.

   Here it comesssss.... WOOT! WOOT! There it goessssssss.... "CHA-CHING!" Man, Payday Sux! :P

   when life throws you a lemon add the tequila and the salt !!