BOOYA Funny Status Messages

   My boss told me that if I can't show up sober then don't bother coming to work tomorrow. Three day weekend!

   Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.

   Christie blocks a bridge in New Jersey... The Super Bowl is in New Jersey... A nation wide velveeta shortage for the Super Bowl.... GOVERNMET CONSPIRACIES ARE REAL!

   Due to solar radiation the American flag planted on the moon is now faded completely to white. Great, now it looks like the French landed there...

   If watching He-man cartoons has taught me anything it's that you can solve any problem with a sword.

   Why do my Saturdays always seem to start with me looking for pants. Oh yeah, alcohol...

   You show me Karl Marx's grave and I'll show you a Communist plot that worked.

   Not feeling smart today? Just remember there are grown adults who actually still actually believe Hillary Clinton.

   If all he thinks about is sex, turn on a football game. Now he's thinking about football... And sex...

   If being bad is wrong then I'll never be right... guess my guidance councilor did know what she was talking about after all.

   Global Warming my half frozen ass!

   My internet goes out more than I do.

   I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. Still not sure how he put them on.

   If I were funny I'd be on tv. But I'm on Facebook instead... talk about a let down.

   Once upon a time a Prince asked a Princess to marry him. She said no. So the Prince got to buy trucks and boats, date big breasted girls, go hunting an