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   messageicon Much as I like Guardians of the Galaxy, in real life, I don't think it's a good idea to give a gun to a raccoon.
←Rate | 05-29-2017 07:24 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon 'Flashdance' gave me unrealistic expectations about how hot welders would be
←Rate | 07-16-2017 20:17 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I will admit, my statuses sound a bit different when read aloud by the prosecuting attorney.
←Rate | 06-05-2017 16:18 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine my embarrassment at getting caught in the rain without a piña colada.
←Rate | 07-24-2016 07:36 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Promise me that when you leave Facebook, you guys will tell me where you're going, unlike that time you all ditched me on MySpace.
←Rate | 02-12-2016 21:18 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I come from a long line of successful people. I decided to stop that tradition.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:51 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon People think I'm uncoordinated until they see me get out of a hammock and then they know "uncoordinated" isn't a strong enough word.
←Rate | 10-03-2015 10:18 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wanna get rich enough to say to someone "nonsense, you can stay in our guest house"
←Rate | 04-23-2016 07:43 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon People who try to test my patience don't realize it's an exam I don't plan on passing
←Rate | 01-26-2016 08:25 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon I would totally watch a House Hunters companion show that explains how some of these idiots have so much freakin' money.
←Rate | 06-27-2015 17:03 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Diet status: Discovered that a Pringles can fits exactly into the cup holders of my truck today.
←Rate | 08-08-2015 06:03 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sometimes I worry that I'm gonna run out of status material... Then I look around at my family and I'm like, naaa I'm good.
←Rate | 09-25-2015 17:30 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon 99% of being an adult is basically just not being mean to people you don't like anymore
←Rate | 08-23-2015 07:05 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Problems that have NOT been solved? Please join my class action suit against Vanilla Ice, who promised to solve them.
←Rate | 09-08-2016 06:01 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon After tomorrow we'll no longer be hating folks because of their candidate. We can go back hating them for how they eat, or what movie they like
←Rate | 11-07-2016 04:13 by Unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon 5 Stages of Grief: 1. Denial 2. Anger 3. Complaining online 4. Complaining online 5. Complaining online
←Rate | 11-10-2016 05:49 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Do not touch" must be one of the scariest things to read in braille
←Rate | 07-23-2016 21:40 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon My favorite part about being an adult is thinking about how stupid I was as a child for wishing I was an adult.
←Rate | 08-23-2015 06:59 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Those annoying "live chat" customer service pop-ups go away if you ask them what they're wearing.
←Rate | 06-27-2015 17:12 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Remembered there were pudding cups in the fridge, so I walked faster than usual to the kitchen and now I know what a "runner's high" is.
←Rate | 09-04-2015 16:04 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


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