Craig Funny Status Messages

   The bank called me because of suspicious activity on my debit card. I couldn't believe I bought a gym membership either

   You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.

   If sex is a pain in the ass, then you're doing it wrong...

   Ever wonder about those people who spend £1.50 on those little bottles of Evian water?.. Try spelling Evian backwards.

   Never hit a man with glasses. Hit him with a baseball bat.

   Before putting any money down on a championship game, always check with the hat makers, they always get it right.

   Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

   The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.

   Some people are like Slinkies ... not really good for anything, but you can't help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

   I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

   A teacher asks ”wot part of the body goes to heaven first?”A child replies”feet- coz every nite I c my mum with her feet in the air screamin GOD I'M COMIN!

   OK...so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs", What does that make the Tennessee Titans ?

   Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak...

   If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you!