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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 9 of 33
The store sign said the cashier has less than $20.. So I said "hang in there buddy!" and I gave him a quarter.
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10-24-2013 13:44 by
flinnie
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The Walking Dead reminds you that other people would still be your biggest problem even if most of them died.
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10-22-2013 21:40 by
flinnie
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What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ''K'' instead of ''OK''?
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10-20-2013 21:21 by
flinnie
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with all due respect, officer, you were also going that fast.
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10-11-2013 05:43 by
flinnie
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Do people who work in those office supply stores steal stuff from their homes to use at work?
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10-05-2013 07:32 by
flinnie
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There are 2 types of people in this world, those who press "door close" in the elevator before others can jump on & those who are liars
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09-23-2013 05:33 by
flinnie
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The pharmacist asked me my birthday again today. Pretty sure she's going to get me something.
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09-23-2013 05:31 by
flinnie
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After 39 years, I’ve perfected acting interested in reading a birthday card after the money falls out.
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09-15-2013 07:23 by
flinnie
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Be careful when you're watching a movie with your wife. You're gonna get blamed for whatever the guy in the movie does.
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09-15-2013 07:15 by
flinnie
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Next time you cuddle your cat, remember that her inner monologue is "You know if you died I'd eat your eyes, right?"
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09-15-2013 07:07 by
flinnie
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Cashier asked me if I wanted a box for my groceries. I said "yes", and she punched me
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09-07-2013 07:25 by
flinnie
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if a tree falls in the woods it should break into a light jog so it looks like it did it on purpose.
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09-04-2013 10:52 by
flinnie
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I don't have a smartphone.. I have a phone that shows potential, but refuses to apply its self.
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08-28-2013 13:02 by
flinnie
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Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll be really far away from me with your motivational nonsense.
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08-28-2013 11:59 by
flinnie
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The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
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08-27-2013 11:22 by
flinnie
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Adulthood is like the vet, and we're all the dogs that are excited for the car ride until we realized where we're going.
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08-22-2013 05:32 by
flinnie
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I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex. I know I'm better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
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08-20-2013 15:43 by
flinnie
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Lost fifty dollars in my neighborhood. If someone finds it I'll give them a free dog.
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08-17-2013 08:18 by
flinnie
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If the first rule of fight club was not to discuss it. Why did they make a movie about it?
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08-17-2013 08:05 by
flinnie
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To convince my boss that I'm keeping busy, I periodically yell "YOU THINK THIS IS A GAME?" into my phone, then slam down the receiver
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08-17-2013 07:45 by
flinnie
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