jdpower Funny Status Messages

   Sarah Palin thinks US law should be based on the Bible. As the most attractive female in national politics, I think she'd be far more successful doing an arm-in-arm political fashion tour with the most attractive man in Washington, Ann Coulter.

   Inventor of Segway drives it off cliff to his death. Bet he wishes he would have invented a hang glider.

   Gavin Rossdale has admitted to a gay fling when he was younger.. In a related story, a gay dude admitted to making sh!tty music for 15 years.

   I just tricked a vegan into reading "Chicken Soup for the Soul"

   ‎"Oh my god, they have Rolling Rock??!!" - said by maybe 2 or 3 people a year.

   When is that 1/2 man on '2 and and 1/2 Men' going to officially become a man?

   In honor of Christine O'Donnell, I am designating November as Lack of Awareness Awareness Month.

   A new study says humans are psychic, and I'm living proof of it. For example, I can clearly foresee a future where this study is debunked.

   Seriously, why is Lindsay Lohan's 4th drug test fail helicopter-worthy? At this point the press should be sending scooters.

   That didn't take long: one of the Chilean miners is already cheating on Jennifer Aniston.

   Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles

   Russians have grossly misunderstood roulette. Someone needs to tell them it's gambling on numbers, not maybe killing yourself.

   Do NOT download the Mel Gibson app on your new iPhone. It attacks all your other apps, then implodes.

   Many years ago, I was kicked out of the Beastie Boys for suggesting that partying was more of a privilege than a right.

   A "Sarah Palindrome" is a sentence that reads forwards, but sounds backwards.

   I'm seriously reevaluating my MySpace Top 8

   Jersey Shore is on tonight? I guess I need to figure out how to get these Valtrex into my DirecTV box then.

   Skipping the new Jackass movie - already saw Christine O'Donnell debate this week.

   During Obama's appearance on Mythbusters, Glenn Beck will debut his new Fox News show, Mythspreaders.

   Why is Lou Dobbs hiring illegal aliens when Toni Braxton needs the work?