flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon it's been a terrible year for my fantasy dictator league
←Rate | 12-19-2011 06:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can't figure out how to escape with all the windows down?
←Rate | 12-04-2012 06:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Some people say I'm a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again you're fired"
←Rate | 07-28-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The VMA's is the only day out of every year that MTV pretends to care about music.. Then its back to the pregnant teens, jersey people in italy, and sweet 16 birthday parties
←Rate | 08-29-2011 06:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
←Rate | 04-23-2012 09:00 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Someone should sit Lindsay Lohan down and force her to watch that episode of Saved by the Bell where Jessie was addicted to caffeine pills.
←Rate | 11-30-2012 11:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope to get to the point in my life where I'm not excited about finding change on the ground.
←Rate | 03-05-2013 05:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
←Rate | 01-10-2013 06:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If movies have taught me anything it's that all car chases eventually lead through a fruit stand.
←Rate | 01-08-2014 12:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed. And it was great
←Rate | 07-18-2014 03:33 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
←Rate | 02-19-2013 06:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I meet someone and I get a "Nice weather we are having..." I say, "My dog's toys taste salty!" I find it moves the conversation along.
←Rate | 04-18-2012 08:57 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Two secrets to keep your marriage happy.. When you're wrong, admit it, and, when you're right, shut up.
←Rate | 08-19-2011 20:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll usually hug people when it's obvious they only want to shake hands
←Rate | 08-24-2011 16:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When I text someone and they dont text me back, I automatically assume that they fainted from overexcitement.
←Rate | 02-13-2012 09:24 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fact: the domestic Cat remains the only species that's trained humans to clean up poop in exchange for conditional love.
←Rate | 01-19-2012 07:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon When a woman puts on a low cut shirt, she's basically saying she wants to win all arguments for the day.
←Rate | 03-26-2012 13:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ending sentences with prepositions is not something I have a problem with.
←Rate | 08-05-2012 09:37 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm terribly conflicted when people I hate from work, bring cupcakes.
←Rate | 03-30-2015 04:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
←Rate | 10-12-2015 09:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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