Eddy Funny Status Messages

   every episode I've seen of "1,000 ways to die" someone has died cause of something happening to their ass

   everyone hopes for a happy ending...except inmates

   if a cannibal eats a vegetarian does that count as a full course meal?

   if William Shatner takes a crap, does he call it a "captain's log"?

   im gonna get a tattoo to make my pen!s look like a broom...my gf SUCKS at cleaning

   now that Zuckerberg is married, if he divorces does she get the "face" half or the "book" half

   laughing cow cheese...i wonder what grass those cows eat to laugh so much

   if dinosaurs really existed why dont you hear about them in the bible?...not even loading 2 of them on the ark

   golf is about "strokes" & "balls"...if that isnt a gay sport, idk what is

   hey dad, thanks for using a cheap condom...mom did the rest of the work

   the store has close parking spots for "new parents"...if I adopt a 10 yr old, do I get to park there?

   does fantasizing about the cheerleaders count as "fantasy football"?

   parents dont need energy drinks...they already have monsters that keep them awake all day

   the song "100 bottles of beer on the wall"...most not be much alcohol in them if you can keep track of 100 beers you've drank

   the way everything you do is connecting to facebook, I look for bank accounts to get connected one day & the bank teller will say "that check bounced but we see ur friends with this person who looks rich...ask them to borrow some"

   maybe i'll get laid by my wife....she said that will happen once in a blue moon

   are the smurfs just a midget tribe of the Avatars?

   Happy labor day to all the moms out there....oh, you mean that's not what it means?

   women are like groceries....the really heavy ones should be double-bagged

   Cerebrospinal fluid (facebook asks what's on my mind)