jdpower Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon At the Halloween store: the "Slutty Frankenstein" costumes aren't flying off the shelves.
←Rate | 09-27-2010 15:31 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Ugh. I'm never, ever drinking again." - Person who will drink again (starting either tomorrow or the next day)
←Rate | 10-25-2010 20:25 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dated a blind girl once, her name was .::. ::.:. ..:.:. :.:..::. ..:::.
←Rate | 06-24-2011 03:58 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Not to be insensitive, but this oil spill better not affect my access to delicious pelican meat.
←Rate | 06-09-2010 16:32 by jdpower Comments (1)  


   messageicon Cam Newton's winning the Heisman surprised no one - especially Julian Assange, who knew about it a month ago.
←Rate | 12-11-2010 22:51 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hope South Pole doesn't respond to increased North Pole activity with military exercises. Everybody settle down.
←Rate | 12-04-2010 13:19 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon BP says it will emerge from the current situation "smaller and wiser." I assume sea life will emerge "shinier and more waterproof."
←Rate | 07-28-2010 12:36 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Game, set, match equals tennis. Set, match, run equals arson.
←Rate | 05-31-2011 14:21 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon The founder of 'Jews for Jesus' died today.. the funeral will be catered by 'Vegetarians for Meat'
←Rate | 05-21-2010 17:10 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I've gotta come clean... that's why I jack-off with Purell
←Rate | 06-24-2011 03:59 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon New study shows that too much Facebook leads to alcohol/drug abuse, which leads to neglecting one's imaginary sheep.
←Rate | 11-15-2010 23:17 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I hate when people put words in my mouth.. with the possible exceptions of “waffle” or “sandwich.”
←Rate | 11-29-2010 21:23 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Ricky Martin has answered the question, "Are you gay?". But for many, another question remains: "Who's Ricky Martin?"
←Rate | 04-13-2010 00:55 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Which is the best new slur for hipsters: Fauxhemian or Doucheoisie? I'm thinking Doucheoisie.
←Rate | 04-13-2010 01:00 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon After five minutes of forced conversation, I've just realized that this person sitting across from me is not, in fact, Tony Danza
←Rate | 05-21-2010 02:11 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon looks like I wont be updating my status anytime soon..
←Rate | 06-15-2010 13:49 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm hearing that the founder of Friendster is donating like $75 to the University of Phoenix.
←Rate | 09-27-2010 15:37 by jdpower Comments (2)  


   messageicon After the Vikings dreadful performance and fall to 1-3, the Chilean Miners have decided to stay underground.
←Rate | 10-12-2010 00:52 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon JaMarcus Russell has admitted failing a drug test. It's all explained in his new book "Eat Pray Eat Love Eat Chug Purple Drank Eat".
←Rate | 08-16-2010 15:14 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Saw the Goodyear blimp today. It read "ICE CUBE NO LONGER EVEN REMOTELY A PIMP".
←Rate | 06-21-2011 01:44 by jdpower Comments (0)  



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