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flinnie Funny Status Messages
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Page: 8 of 33
If a stranger starts talking to you in an elevator, just say: "I don't want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you" that'll shut 'em up.
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04-21-2011 02:15 by
flinnie
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Next time you hear a stranger give out their number text them details of what they're wearing. It's so much fun to watch them freak out
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07-21-2014 14:46 by
flinnie
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I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lenses
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10-19-2011 10:52 by
flinnie
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I went to a Narcissists Anonymous meeting but it was just this pathetic bunch of nobodies
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05-21-2012 23:47 by
flinnie
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Won a $50 gift card to Chili's at Christmas raffle. In other news, decided my secret santa is getting a $14.37 gift card to Chili's for Christmas.
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12-16-2011 17:47 by
flinnie
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Does this couch I'm laying on make me look unmotivated?
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08-05-2011 23:04 by
flinnie
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The real reason I'm not a superhero.... Pockets,I need my pockets.
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10-30-2013 05:29 by
flinnie
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"Local artist" is just fancy talk for "stinky guy nobody likes."
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05-05-2012 05:14 by
flinnie
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A concussion? A broken hand? There has to be a PETA member somewhere with a Mike Vick voodoo doll
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09-26-2011 05:58 by
flinnie
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"Haven't had to use my brakes in a few minutes. Better make sure they still work real quick." - everyone in front of you on the highway.
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04-18-2013 06:15 by
flinnie
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Well, it's almost time to show up late for something else.
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07-19-2012 11:16 by
flinnie
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Trying to be less negative but it'll never work.
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06-10-2012 18:48 by
flinnie
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I wish I loved anything as much as people in yogurt commercials love eating yogurt.
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08-10-2012 08:50 by
flinnie
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Do you think St. Patrick is looking down from heaven thinking, "What are they doing? I hated beer and the color green."
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03-17-2013 07:17 by
flinnie
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Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, and where did he get the idea?
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09-13-2014 10:40 by
flinnie
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Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. - The Opportunist
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11-29-2011 09:07 by
flinnie
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it's been a terrible year for my fantasy dictator league
104
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12-19-2011 06:22 by
flinnie
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Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can't figure out how to escape with all the windows down?
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12-04-2012 06:16 by
flinnie
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I was pretty sure that at this point in my career, I would have henchmen by now
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06-03-2011 14:48 by
flinnie
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I hope to get to the point in my life where I'm not excited about finding change on the ground.
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03-05-2013 05:48 by
flinnie
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