flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Lots of people out sick today. There's that new virus going around-- Unused Sick Days, apparently it's very contagious.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 06:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a stranger starts talking to you in an elevator, just say: "I don't want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you" that'll shut 'em up.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 02:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon every time I come home after being around another dog, mine looks at me like I cheated on him
←Rate | 05-23-2011 05:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy, and it's fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
←Rate | 12-30-2011 08:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lenses
←Rate | 10-19-2011 10:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you hear a stranger give out their number text them details of what they're wearing. It's so much fun to watch them freak out
←Rate | 07-21-2014 14:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does this couch I'm laying on make me look unmotivated?
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I went to a Narcissists Anonymous meeting but it was just this pathetic bunch of nobodies
←Rate | 05-21-2012 23:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Won a $50 gift card to Chili's at Christmas raffle. In other news, decided my secret santa is getting a $14.37 gift card to Chili's for Christmas.
←Rate | 12-16-2011 17:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, it's almost time to show up late for something else.
←Rate | 07-19-2012 11:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Haven't had to use my brakes in a few minutes. Better make sure they still work real quick." - everyone in front of you on the highway.
←Rate | 04-18-2013 06:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The real reason I'm not a superhero.... Pockets,I need my pockets.
←Rate | 10-30-2013 05:29 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A concussion? A broken hand? There has to be a PETA member somewhere with a Mike Vick voodoo doll
←Rate | 09-26-2011 05:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Local artist" is just fancy talk for "stinky guy nobody likes."
←Rate | 05-05-2012 05:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to be less negative but it'll never work.
←Rate | 06-10-2012 18:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I loved anything as much as people in yogurt commercials love eating yogurt.
←Rate | 08-10-2012 08:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, and where did he get the idea?
←Rate | 09-13-2014 10:40 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. - The Opportunist
←Rate | 11-29-2011 09:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's been a terrible year for my fantasy dictator league
←Rate | 12-19-2011 06:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can't figure out how to escape with all the windows down?
←Rate | 12-04-2012 06:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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