flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon Lots of people out sick today. There's that new virus going around-- Unused Sick Days, apparently it's very contagious.
←Rate | 12-19-2012 06:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If a stranger starts talking to you in an elevator, just say: "I don't want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you" that'll shut 'em up.
←Rate | 04-21-2011 02:15 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon every time I come home after being around another dog, mine looks at me like I cheated on him
←Rate | 05-23-2011 05:34 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon This hotel has the worst mini-bar. All the little bottles of booze taste like shampoo.
←Rate | 08-29-2011 05:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon LOVE putting on underwear fresh out of the dryer. They're so warm and cozy, and it's fun to scan the laundromat and guess whose they are.
←Rate | 12-30-2011 08:55 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wear glasses because I like to dramatically remove them to display anger. It was awkward doing that with contact lenses
←Rate | 10-19-2011 10:52 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next time you hear a stranger give out their number text them details of what they're wearing. It's so much fun to watch them freak out
←Rate | 07-21-2014 14:46 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Does this couch I'm laying on make me look unmotivated?
←Rate | 08-05-2011 23:04 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Won a $50 gift card to Chili's at Christmas raffle. In other news, decided my secret santa is getting a $14.37 gift card to Chili's for Christmas.
←Rate | 12-16-2011 17:47 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Well, it's almost time to show up late for something else.
←Rate | 07-19-2012 11:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The real reason I'm not a superhero.... Pockets,I need my pockets.
←Rate | 10-30-2013 05:29 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon A concussion? A broken hand? There has to be a PETA member somewhere with a Mike Vick voodoo doll
←Rate | 09-26-2011 05:58 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Local artist" is just fancy talk for "stinky guy nobody likes."
←Rate | 05-05-2012 05:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Trying to be less negative but it'll never work.
←Rate | 06-10-2012 18:48 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I wish I loved anything as much as people in yogurt commercials love eating yogurt.
←Rate | 08-10-2012 08:50 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Imagine how creepy the first guy to dress up as a clown must have been, and where did he get the idea?
←Rate | 09-13-2014 10:40 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist. While you guys were arguing about the glass of water. I drank it. - The Opportunist
←Rate | 11-29-2011 09:07 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon it's been a terrible year for my fantasy dictator league
←Rate | 12-19-2011 06:22 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why is it that flies can get in your car so easy, but can't figure out how to escape with all the windows down?
←Rate | 12-04-2012 06:16 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon The VMA's is the only day out of every year that MTV pretends to care about music.. Then its back to the pregnant teens, jersey people in italy, and sweet 16 birthday parties
←Rate | 08-29-2011 06:08 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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