jdpower Funny Status Messages

   I'm starting to think those 4 years of "P. Diddy Language" I took in grad school may have been a wizz-aste.

   Amy Winehouse says her body has been through so much she probably can't get pregnant. Darwin wins again.

   Craigslist removed its' "Adult Services"section. Headline should read, "No one to ever use Craigslist again".

   If you say the word "douche" fast and repetitively, it will sound like the beat of a techno song that some douche would definitely love.

   Barack Obama's tweets are too official. Just once I'd like to see something like: "Just took a Biden-sized dump".

   I feel like "cheeseburger" works better as a noun than as an adjective.

   Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking? Because those men already have boyfriends.

   The saxophone still hasn't been brought to justice for everything it did in the 1980s.

   I support precisely enough global warming to flood Jersey Shore.

   The best part of watching an actor on an environmental crusade is when he gets on his private plane.

   I saw a guy today that had a bedazzled cell phone. I thought it was kinda gay..... but then thought he might have stolen the phone and he might be a thug. The whole thing confused me.

   Wyclef Jean is running for President of Haiti. He should pledge to make Lauryn Hill his Secretary of Miseducation.

   I'm seriously reevaluating my MySpace Top 8

   Dead fish washed onto "Jersey Shore" cast's beach. The slimy, oft-horizontal twitching creatures say they feel bad for the fish....

   JaMarcus Russell has admitted failing a drug test. It's all explained in his new book "Eat Pray Eat Love Eat Chug Purple Drank Eat".

   Alcohol doesn't solve any problems; but then again, neither does milk.

   So, I guess the FDA has approved the "week-after" pill - the perfect remedy for those not so skilled at time/pants management...

   Maybe it's just me, but I think throwing rocks and feces at Tila Tequila officially renders you a member of the Sane Clown Posse.

   Twice already today I have warned my co-workers that I was on the verge of going "JetBlue flight attendant." It's the new "going postal."

   Shark Week is over, but I'm not taking down my decorations