jdpower Funny Status Messages

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Page: 7 of 11

   messageicon My dad pulled me aside today, teary-eyed. Told me to sit down.. I braced myself. He said "There's going to be a third Bridget Jones movie."
←Rate | 09-14-2011 22:09 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I saw a guy in WalMart wearing aqua socks. I was afraid to take his picture, as it might provoke my murder and subsequent skinning.
←Rate | 07-06-2010 14:06 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was excited to bring home my Xmas Tree but I didn't have the heart to tell it I'd be leaving it in the street for dead in just a few weeks.
←Rate | 12-09-2010 23:47 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon How is it C-3PO is fluent in 6 million languages, yet in none of them can manage to say, "I'm gay?"
←Rate | 09-08-2010 15:23 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just heard that Snooki was picked up by police for disorderly conduct.. apparently she was caught "orange-handed"
←Rate | 08-02-2010 16:11 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon The Clitaurus is the most mysterious Jurassic-era creature to most male archaeologists.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 13:32 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I never did use my illusion. Is it too late?
←Rate | 11-29-2010 21:24 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Fox News reports that Obama visits Indonesia, one of several foreign countries where he was born.
←Rate | 11-15-2010 23:16 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon It was Canadian Thanksgiving this past weekend, and they have much to be thankful for: Bieber, Ice Road Truckers, a sh!t-load of lumber.
←Rate | 10-12-2010 00:58 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Today is National Oatmeal Day, or as Charlie Sheen calls it, National Cocaine and Strippers Day.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 13:31 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon US Military is experimenting with robots. Part of new program, "Don't Ask, Don't Tell, Don't Rise Up and Kill Us."
←Rate | 11-29-2010 21:30 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Craigslist removed its' "Adult Services"section. Headline should read, "No one to ever use Craigslist again".
←Rate | 09-08-2010 15:20 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
←Rate | 05-06-2010 16:01 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Next for BP: they're going to add balsamic vinegar to the oil; turning the Gulf into a nice vinaigrette.
←Rate | 06-08-2010 01:36 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Vegan hipsters wear ironic milk mustaches.
←Rate | 10-29-2010 13:34 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm typing this update because some fat, ugly wildebeest just sat across from me in the lunchroom and I want to look busy.. thank you for your support and understanding. It means a lot to me in these times of uncertaint -ok she just left, that was close.
←Rate | 06-28-2010 14:58 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon BREAKING: "Hey, Where Is Everybody?" Says Chilean Miner No. 34
←Rate | 10-21-2010 23:32 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon We need to talk, shuffle.. One Hall & Oates song is a great idea - but two in a row is completely unacceptable.
←Rate | 11-15-2010 23:15 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon Brooklyn Decker is either an ungodly hot supermodel, or a delicious, multi-tiered sandwich. You can't lose with a Brooklyn Decker.
←Rate | 05-19-2011 03:04 by jdpower Comments (0)  


   messageicon New York Times reports Neanderthals mated with humans thousands of years before "Jersey Shore."
←Rate | 05-07-2010 12:34 by jdpower Comments (0)  



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