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Czovczov Funny Status Messages
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Page: 7 of 11
Man kneeling by the bed, Wife says,"What are you praying for? " Husband says: "Guidance. " Wife says, "Pray for stiffness, I'll guide the damn thing myself!"
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11-29-2011 10:18 by
Czovczov
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Didn't leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
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03-29-2013 14:56 by
Czovczov
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Just once I'd like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
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02-08-2015 09:30 by
Czovczov
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Relationship status: I've developed a high tolerance for pepper spray.
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05-07-2015 14:02 by
Czovczov
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Attractive women post selfies and refer to themselves as ugly. As a group, if we begin agreeing with them we could stop that sh*t quick.
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02-10-2014 12:53 by
Czovczov
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My GPS sighs and rolls its eyes every time it says "Recalculating".
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07-01-2012 15:29 by
Czovczov
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If you are talking to me and I appear as if I'm attentively listening, I'm probably just silently correcting your grammar in my head.
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04-08-2012 04:15 by
Czovczov
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Don't ask to use my Phone, and then start going through my photos, contacts, messages and call history, unless you want to meet God before I do.
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12-05-2011 08:16 by
Czovczov
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Feeling stressed about something? Ask yourself, “Will this really matter after I've had a few drinks?”
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02-19-2012 10:02 by
Czovczov
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A huge ass spider crawled across my bed and now I can't sleep because the firefighters are here putting out the mattress flames.
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05-26-2012 14:47 by
Czovczov
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For 20 yrs Jay-Z referred to other men's daughters as b!tches & hoes then decides his own daughter Princess Baby Jesus is exempt from the game!
108
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01-14-2012 02:47 by
Czovczov
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I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
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01-19-2013 12:58 by
Czovczov
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In college I had 3 girlfriends at the same time. 10 years and a wife later, I have 0 girlfriends. Stay in school kids.
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05-19-2013 11:02 by
Czovczov
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I once won an argument with a woman…in this dream I had.
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08-04-2012 13:38 by
Czovczov
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The smallest compliment from the right person, changes the whole game.
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10-29-2012 13:00 by
Czovczov
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The best part about waking up Sunday morning is knowing that sex can be more than a quickie and you can sip your coffee instead of gulping it.
36
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02-12-2012 11:56 by
Czovczov
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Screw coffee, I want whatever this happy singing bird is on. Times three.
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02-21-2014 07:59 by
Czovczov
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Sex is great and all, but have you ever had someone scratch your back exactly where it itches?
41
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06-24-2015 13:44 by
Czovczov
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I was seeing a therapist for trust issues, but I had to quit going when I found out he was seeing other patients.
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07-06-2012 13:27 by
Czovczov
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Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
87
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12-26-2012 11:09 by
Czovczov
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