Czovczov Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon You don't have a drinking problem; people without arms have a drinking problem.
←Rate | 01-08-2012 05:29 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon A new day doesn't officially start until you take a shower.
←Rate | 12-20-2011 06:39 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon According to the police, public masturbation is not considered a "street performance". Even if you have a hat on the ground on front of you.
←Rate | 04-12-2014 03:39 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
←Rate | 12-02-2013 06:49 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon She tried keeping up with the Kardashians, but now it burns when she pees.
←Rate | 02-22-2013 08:45 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon My ex said she left me because of my short attention span. Unbeknownst to her I actually…damn that’s a cool ass word right? Unbeknownst.
←Rate | 02-08-2013 12:32 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Why pay to watch the new Twilight movie when setting yourself on fire is free?
←Rate | 12-28-2012 10:08 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'd rather run a marathon than listen to someone talk about running a marathon.
←Rate | 07-15-2013 14:46 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Lucky for you there seems to be no shortage of people willing to settle for less than they deserve.
←Rate | 10-04-2012 13:48 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Man kneeling by the bed, Wife says,"What are you praying for? " Husband says: "Guidance. " Wife says, "Pray for stiffness, I'll guide the damn thing myself!"
←Rate | 11-29-2011 10:18 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Didn't leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
←Rate | 03-29-2013 14:56 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Just once I'd like to see a stripper do the "Carlton" on stage.
←Rate | 02-08-2015 09:30 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Relationship status: I've developed a high tolerance for pepper spray.
←Rate | 05-07-2015 14:02 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Attractive women post selfies and refer to themselves as ugly. As a group, if we begin agreeing with them we could stop that sh*t quick.
←Rate | 02-10-2014 12:53 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon My GPS sighs and rolls its eyes every time it says "Recalculating".
←Rate | 07-01-2012 15:29 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Feeling stressed about something? Ask yourself, “Will this really matter after I've had a few drinks?”
←Rate | 02-19-2012 10:02 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon Don't ask to use my Phone, and then start going through my photos, contacts, messages and call history, unless you want to meet God before I do.
←Rate | 12-05-2011 08:16 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon A huge ass spider crawled across my bed and now I can't sleep because the firefighters are here putting out the mattress flames.
←Rate | 05-26-2012 14:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon For 20 yrs Jay-Z referred to other men's daughters as b!tches & hoes then decides his own daughter Princess Baby Jesus is exempt from the game!
←Rate | 01-14-2012 02:47 by Czovczov Comments (0)  


   messageicon I got a lot more sleep back when phones were only used for calling people.
←Rate | 01-19-2013 12:58 by Czovczov Comments (0)  



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