Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon ...... .♫♪♫..... it's beginning to cost a lot like Christmas... ♫♪♫
←Rate | 12-14-2016 00:29 Comments (0)  


   messageicon ....... HA ... The liquor store clerk just wished me a Merry Christmas as if she weren't going to see me 12 more times before then.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 00:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon SCORE!!! .... I just bought my wife a 20 pound bag of Diamonds for Christmas......well they're diamonds in the rough....Well ... maybe EARLY stage diamonds...... but with enough time and pressure......they will be diamonds......Thanks Kingsford !
←Rate | 12-14-2016 00:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon This Wiki Leaks is getting out of control -- They just leaked Santa's Christmas list.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 00:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I don't understand why people buy Christmas trees just to throw them away a month later. Heck ... Do they think Christmas trees grow on trees?
←Rate | 12-14-2016 00:37 Comments (0)  


   messageicon All I want for Christmas is you ...... Just kidding I want Money
←Rate | 12-14-2016 00:40 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Bought all of my Christmas gifts really early this year, Hope everyone likes Halloween costumes
←Rate | 12-14-2016 00:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon With winter less than a week away, I've come to the vivid realization that, as human beings, we've been shortchanged by nature. How come we don't get to hibernate?
←Rate | 12-14-2016 01:55 by McFazzella Comments (0)  


   messageicon Thank god I don't have to hunt to eat, because I have no bloody clue where pizza lives.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 05:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon It always fascinates me when someone gets off a water ride angry because they got wet.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 05:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Sawing a hole in the bottom of a table to steal someone's cake is way harder than it looks on cartoons.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 05:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Keep your marriage fresh by writing each other love notes like "I considered smothering you with a pillow last night but didn't."
←Rate | 12-14-2016 05:53 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I need an app that after the third time I press the snooze button, my phone pours cold water on my face.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 05:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Swimming is basically having fun trying not to drown.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 05:56 Comments (0)  


   messageicon For a detective, a surprise party is the ultimate insult.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 05:57 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Every time I have a salad for lunch my stomach feels the same way a dog does when someone fake throws a tennis ball.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 05:58 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please God all I want to crave is lettuce, amen.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 05:59 Comments (0)  


   messageicon TGI...Oh Crap, it's only Wednesday.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 09:21 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Listening to terrestrial radio nowadays is the equivalent to plugging into someone else's IPod.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 10:23 by Laser Beam Comments (0)  


   messageicon Know what makes me mad? When I get a Cornucopia that has no corn or ucopia.
←Rate | 12-14-2016 11:14 by Fazz-O-Larry Comments (0)  



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