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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Amazon Go let's you walk out of the store without stopping to pay?.. Winona Ryder, , you are a woman about 15 years ahead of your time
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12-05-2016 19:28 by
snotty
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But in my defense if a girl yelling please don't come yet wants me to last longer she should probably try reverse psychology
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12-05-2016 23:48 by
Snoopaloop
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All I need to do is find a woman who is as pathetic as me and I will live happily ever after.
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12-06-2016 00:24
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Worst part of being sick? Sneezing while taking a piss
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12-06-2016 03:21
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"What's Michelle Obama's favorite vegetable?? Barackoli.."
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12-06-2016 03:37
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Slow dancing with a fat person? That's like trying to move a refrigerator by yourself."
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12-06-2016 03:37
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I'm so old I remember when water was free and you had to pay for porn.
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12-06-2016 07:48
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they are making new a fast and furious and a new transformers movie. any hope I had for 2017 being a good year has fast evaporated
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12-06-2016 12:30
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I should of went to the store before I gone to bed but I was to tired and I went to their to early and I was afraid I would loose to much sleep.
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12-06-2016 12:45 by
English Made Easy
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Why go to all the holiday expense of visiting relatives in another state when you can stay at home and set yourself on fire for free?
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12-06-2016 13:08 by
McFazzella
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Of all the martial arts, Karaoke inflicts the most pain.
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12-06-2016 13:12 by
McFazzella
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Based on this Target restroom, either not everyone is shaving off their pubes or they're shaving them off in here!
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12-06-2016 15:46
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Some people are the human equivalent of stomach cramps...
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12-06-2016 16:41
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Does anyone know WHY Waldo is hiding ?
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12-06-2016 18:09
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Can you be sued for malpractice if you're not really a Gynecologist ?
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12-06-2016 18:31
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Named my daughter after my mother in law. In fact, Passive Aggressive Psycho turns 5 tomorrow
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12-06-2016 19:34 by
flipphonescott
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COWORKER: ...and so, my big toe got cut off.... ME:. *farts*.... Sorry, I'm lack-toes intolerant
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12-06-2016 19:55 by
snotty
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I ordered a genuine leather living room set from IKEA. They sent two cows, some logs and a book of instructions.
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12-07-2016 06:14 by
McFazzella
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Joker: I'm calling DHS, You're endangering a minor... Batman: He's my partner... Joker: Why's he in his underwear?.. Batman: So we match. Look, this isn't about me.
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12-07-2016 07:48 by
snotty
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My wrinkles are all from laughter. Except those between my eyebrows. Those are my 'WTF' lines and those things are deep.
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12-07-2016 10:54
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