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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Ran out of mix an hour ago....drinking this rum straight out of the bottle like a BOSS!!!
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09-05-2016 16:11
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Happy Birthday posts on Facebook make all the pain go away.
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09-05-2016 16:13
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Sad people are fun to hang out with. They always have snacks around.
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09-05-2016 16:14
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I left my dorm with my collar buttoned all the way up and returned with it buttoned four buttons down, YOU tell me how my night was....
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09-05-2016 16:14
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Apparently 2016 is the year every amusement park ride was set to expire and fall apart mid-ride with people on it.
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09-05-2016 16:15
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The More You Know: Jesus loved trees not cake, that's why on Dec 25th we have Christmas Trees.
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09-05-2016 16:16
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Can you imagine anything more depressing than going to a petting zoo owned by MC Hammer.
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09-05-2016 16:17
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I bet Target never opens stores next to a bow and arrow shop.
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09-05-2016 16:17
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Mother Teresa has been canonized. She's no longer Catholic fan fiction.
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09-05-2016 16:18
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In the future, everyone will have 15 minutes of blame.
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09-05-2016 16:19
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When I die I want my ashes scattered over a Starbucks WiFi router.
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09-05-2016 16:20
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A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
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09-05-2016 20:31
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It is a big burden being the only one who can prevent forrest fires.
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09-05-2016 20:43 by
Aaron
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Theoretically if China went to the moon and knocked over our flag what would we do about it
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09-05-2016 21:10 by
Aaron
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Its a shame when BLM cant read their own signs
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09-05-2016 23:24
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I just started a GoFundMe page to buy Michelle Obamas freedom
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09-05-2016 23:44
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Hell nah I’m not clicking on page two of any article online. It’s online. Your stupid story should fit one webpage however long it is.
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09-06-2016 01:57 by
Kisstopher707
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If every day is a gift, I want a refund for the crappy ones.
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09-06-2016 08:16
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A heart felt "Thank You" for the birthday wishes Due to sanitary reasons, I will not and cannot accept any money that comes out of bras
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09-06-2016 12:12
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Chicago is already doing a lot to Make America Great Again
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09-06-2016 15:29
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