Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Someone was blocking the grocery aisle with their cart, so naturally I walked over one aisle to get around them like an adult.

   If by picnic you mean eating inside at a restaurant not swatting insects then yes, yes, I'll join you for a picnic.

   How do you say Tony Romo in Spanish?..........Mark Sanchez

   When a couple breaks up, the girl always thinks the guy blew it while the guy is glad he’s away from that psycho b*tch.

   Facebook memories... Just in case you didn't have enough "WTF was I thinking" moments during the day..

   Cow-tipping cop: Do you know why I pushed you over?... Cow: *sighs... Yes.

   *Sees a truck: Nice... *Sees a trucker: Oh, impressive... *Sees a truckest: Ah yes,, This is what I came for.

   Happy Teacher's day to all our Wives, we may have not heard so many lectures before, Thank You

   I wonder what kids today are going to tell their kids. 'Yeah. it was rough back then. I didn't get a smartphone til 4th grade and sometimes the wifi didn't work upstairs.'

   Ohhhh, the wonders of Adderall....

   Leia walks into the bedroom to find Han staring at himself in the mirror,, holding bagels over his ears.

   Dear Fellow Americans,,, Can't we just all agree to write in "literally anyone else" on our ballots this November?

   I bet Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses are the highest level Pokémon Go players.

   Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?.. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?. <YES>.. Thank you for installing Adobe Flash. A new version is available. Install?

   "If Hitler loses there will be matzo ball soup trucks on every corner." - Hitler Supporter

   Sure we can make out, but I ain't pausing tonights episode of 'Murder She Wrote'.

   Fact: I used to get beat up a lot at vacation bible school.

   All sitcoms make me realize is that my group of friends don't have nearly as much sex as they should.

   If you don’t pretend you’re thanking polite ghosts every time you walk through automatic doors, you’re too mature for me.

   Pope declares Mother Teresa a saint. Kanye West sues the Catholic Church for copyright infringement.