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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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The most important part of signing your kid up for an activity is getting a sticker for your car so everyone knows.
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08-07-2016 14:34
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Babies are the only ones with enough courage to scream on airplanes.
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08-07-2016 14:36
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HELP WANTED: Neck trapped in the sleeve again.
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08-07-2016 14:38
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The guy in the bathroom with me is having trouble getting his pee started because he thinks I'm listening. He's right. I'm listening....
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08-07-2016 14:39
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n't it strange how so many Media and Journalism Outlets are condemning Wikileaks for doing just what Journalists used to do?
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08-07-2016 19:18
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..... If stomping on the US Flag is considered Protected Free Speech ..... Well heck ... Then so is stomping on someone who is stomping on the Flag.
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08-07-2016 21:22
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According to the women's beach volleyball game I just watched, I don't need Viagra after all. :/
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08-07-2016 21:37
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Movie idea: "Suicide Squad 2". They could just film the reaction of people watching part 1.
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08-08-2016 03:15
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Instead of milk cartons they should put photos of missing people on the backs of smartphones.
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08-08-2016 04:06
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At this point an all nighter simply means I didn't need to get up to pee in the middle of the night.
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08-08-2016 04:06
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Always buy flowers when on a date with a vegan. So they have something to eat when I take them to Outback Steakhouse for dinner.
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08-08-2016 04:07
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Legally you can add your name to the cast of any IMDB entry as long as you end it with "(uncredited)".
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08-08-2016 04:09
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I'm no athlete in Rio, but I'd still like someone to test my urine. I suspect it's excellent.
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08-08-2016 04:11
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Show your partner you're committed to a long term relationship by not supporting them in what they do.
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08-08-2016 04:11
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Some days I wonder if the movie Good Will Hunting would've been as successful if that guy in the bar didn't like apples.
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08-08-2016 04:12
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Bet the guy who invented hieroglyphics was high at the time.
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08-08-2016 04:13
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I want a Matthew McConaughey Lincoln commercial mixed with a Wild Turkey commercial where he's just wasted driving around talking to himself.
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08-08-2016 04:15
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Only you can prevent bathroom selfies.
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08-08-2016 09:21
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And the Lord said, "I shall take short people and midgets.I shall combine the two. And he created gymnasts and saw that it wasn't so good."
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08-08-2016 11:43 by
Teleking
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Me: I sure do Love watching the Olympic Girls Volleyball Games because they are So Talented. Wife: Yea Right
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08-08-2016 16:08
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