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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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Dogs may have an incredible sense of smell, but they have a terrible sense of whether that smell is good or bad.
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11-23-2010 14:18 by
Marshall the Great
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Thanks to M&M ads, I constantly hear tiny screams whenever I eat them.
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11-23-2010 14:17 by
Marshall the Great
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What if they read a list of everything you've ever typed into Google before entering Heaven...
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11-23-2010 14:15 by
Marshall the Great
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I'm so glad my car has that alarm for when I don't have my seatbelt on that reminds me to turn my radio up.
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11-23-2010 14:14 by
Marshall the Great
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Here's the thing about work: I really don't feel like doing any.
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11-23-2010 14:13 by
Marshall the Great
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Remember when people would literally get mad at you if you didn't put them in your top 8 friends on Myspace?
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11-23-2010 14:13 by
Marshall the Great
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How many times do you have to pass your coworker in the hall before you switch from saying "hi" to breakdance fighting?
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11-23-2010 14:12 by
Marshall the Great
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Girlfriend's parents gave me a Best Buy gift card, which will be turned into a video game that causes me to ignore her for the next 30 days.
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11-23-2010 14:10 by
Marshall the Great
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What are you doing? Come on over, we're going to grill some steaks and drink wine. Pick up some steaks and wine on your way.
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11-23-2010 14:09 by
Marshall the Great
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Wow!! Tension's in Korea is increasing. Rumor has it that France has already offered to surrender........
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11-23-2010 14:09 by
Bill
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If I select the "Advance Pat Down" option instead of the Full Body Scanner, do I get some Barry White music and a nice glass of Merlot?
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11-23-2010 13:58 by
momofthewildthings
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Kate Middleton goes to the Queen and says, ”Every time I suck William's c*ck I get acid indigestion”. The Queen replies, ”Have you tried Andrews?”
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11-23-2010 13:50 by
@clarkysj
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Christmas came early!!! Happy EIGHTEENTH Birthday Miley!!!
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11-23-2010 13:39
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I hate to see my food go to waist.
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11-23-2010 13:31 by
lemonpillow
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has done the mathematical calculations... Tuesday is the humpday of a 3-day work week.
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11-23-2010 13:17 by
@sherifawad
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it costs 50 Cent to buy 2Pac's of Eminems...which is Ludacris!
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11-23-2010 12:59
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Mr. Peanut's last words: Bye, dear. Back in a Jif.
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11-23-2010 12:47 by
mickeybruce
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says that "I call 'em like I see 'em" loosely translated to "Im a douchebag, deal with it"
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11-23-2010 12:46
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Morning cardio routine: Stretch. Gravity Hand Slam on snooze button. Pull arm back under covers. Roll over. Wait 9 Minutes. Repeat
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11-23-2010 12:07 by
one
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So my teenage kids can just about do anything with a any phone or computer or camera. When I was that age I thought I was cool because I had a new cordless phone that stored 10 numbers, and I could sit outside with it within distance
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11-23-2010 11:22 by
Kim
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