Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   Nobody on Instagram wants to see your text messages.

   Only god, my parents, the court system, our government, my coworkers, that cute starbucks guy, and the rest of the world can judge me....

   Pleasant, 40ish, female seeks zany caper. Skills include the ability to identify ideas that are so crazy, they just might work.

   "I've never seen The Notebook or a single episode of Grey's Anatomy." -Me, flirting

   I just want someone to look at me like I look at bubble wrap.

   The first and last time that I went to Comic Con was when the guy at the costume store sold me a Catwoman costume telling me it was CatMan.

   It's been 3 years since I gave myself 1year to live after self diagnosing on WebMD and I'm still here defying the odds everyone. WINNING!

   If You Don't Leave Me Alone, I'll Go And Find Someone Else Who Will

   My hobbies include reciting the side effects of artificial sweeteners during meals and maintaining a robust dislike of everything around me.

   So Hillary's VP plays harmonica. That's all we need. More blowing in the Oval Office.

   Whoa whoa, calm down Swiffer commercials, you're just a wet paper towel on a stick .

   Busy day at work today, a man was rushed to the hospital with 6 toy horses up his Butt. Doctors describe his condition as stable.

   If it's the thought that counts, I should probably be in jail.

   anybody else hoping to see John Hinckley Jr at the next Hillary rally?

   Follow your dreams. Unless you're a serial killer who wants to work in a circus as a knife thrower. That's just wrong, bro.

   Bad things to assume where my Facebook political rant is really gonna shake things up with this election.

   Sarah Palin claims Russia didn't hack the DNC because she can see them from her house.

   I am a male feminist because I have a genetic history of women in my family. As it turns out, my grandmothers and my mother were ALL women.

   I don't want to live in a world where HBO forces Sesame Street to cut Bob, Gordon and Luis but renews Ballers indefinitely.

   North Korea declares war against US. What did Seth Rogen and James Franco do this time?