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Annoy the Star Wars fan in your life by constantly referring to the force as "nerd magic." 
Whenever the police put a mannequin in a squad car to slow traffic, I strategically place mannequins around the city committing crimes.
I just can't get into Pokemon so why don't we make a Sweet Valley High Go game where I can collect dreamy dates.
FYI: "I just watched the new Snooki music video" is not a valid excuse to call in sick.
Soimeone tossed me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit. I threw a trash can over it til it was dead....
Thinking it's definitely a case of the tail wagging the dog here.
My neighborhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs... I've been his customer for 6 years. I had no idea he was a barber.
Im must not be a very good dancer. The last time I was dancing, someone jabbed me with an EpiPen
Having fun driving the OCD girls on FB crazy who poke back in a nano second and will keep doing it till I stop.
It's not the heat, it's the humidity...That's just dumb, and it shows your stupidity!
It would be nice if Mexicans took some initiative and MadeMexicoGreatAgain
Bill O'Reilly has a good point. I mean, without slavery, some of those people could have ended working for a monster like Bill O'Reilly.
Lindsay Lohan already registered her unborn baby in AA.
If the moon is made of cheese why aren't stars made of crackers?
I'll see you and your popcorn ceiling in Hell!!!
Me At Job Interview: "And, how seriously does your company take allegations of witchcraft?"
I'm still waiting for the ability to call the car in front of me & tell the driver to pull her head out of his ass... Where are we on this technology?
On a date and my credit card got declined. Her credit card got declined too. Then I knew I was in love.
Last date I had she got KFC grease on my car seats.
I want a man cave, but for women. Still stocked in video games, booze, license plates, and awesome stuff on the wall but with a scented candle.
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