Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   The young neighbors next door do things like water the lawn and plant flowers. I remember when I had hopes and dreams.

   There's a warning light on my dashboard of a vague exclamation point. It's like when my girlfriend was mad at me and she wouldn't say why.

   It's not the heat. It's the humidity......and the morons.

   Sorry I unfollowed you but you said regular fries are just as good as sweet potato fries,, and that's a lie.

   To the Democrats: Your parents cant afford another 4 years of you living in their basement.

   What's up with Hillary and all her doctor evil jackets? Oh wait.. It makes sense.

   Canada is like a really nice apartment above a meth lab .

   Say what you want about Bernie Sanders, I always wonder if he is related to KFC's Colonel Sanders?

   How do you get Americans to exercise their right to vote when you can't even get them to exercise?

   When they legalize weed you should consider investing in pizza shops.

   Those open borders seem to be working really well for Europe.

   It's sad when I'm too lazy to wash my car. That means I'm too lazy to play on my phone while my car sits on a conveyor belt.

   Miss Cleo has died, but if you act now, you can attend her funeral for only $2.99 a minute.

   When I was born, the doctor said to my mother: "Congratulations!!! You have an eight-pound ham."

   Thinking about being the President. But my wife, Melania, said she wouldn't want to move into a much smaller house.

   Siri, bring me a delicious cheesecake and tell my food journal to log it as a veggie burger.

   I can hear my girlfriend telling me not to touch her from work.

   In order to enjoy porn, I have to forget everything I know about disease pathology.

   My vegetable garden is not doing very well this summer according to this cease and desist letter I received from the city.

   Had to check my bank account before I could smoke another cigarette.