Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   BBC News: Lady Gaga drops Facebook for charity. She should also think about dropping her knickers - for clarity.

   You can't worry about what ifs friend you have to live in the moment.

   Logging into Facebook at work is like touching art at a museum: I can't help myself.

   The honorable Lt. Frank Drebin is gone.. Yet Nordberg is still with us.. Wheres the justice?

   Go to Google Translate and translate from German to German. Paste this into the box "pv zk pv pv zk pv zk kz zk pv pv pv zk pv zk zk pzk pzk pvzkpvpvzk kkkkk bsch" Click Listen!

   You know when you need a vacation when you start pretending the shower head is a waterfall!! ; /

   I am definitely spending too much time on this here internet thing. Today some rude dude bumped into me and I said to him out loud, "Double-you Tee Eff?!"

   Just when you think you have buried the past, They find another Body...

   I guess as long as all participants are over 18, I'm okay with Cyber Monday...

   I am not afraid of heights... I am afraid of widths.

   ...When she walked away her ass looked like 2 midgets fighting under a blanket.

   If you can't laugh at yourself... I will gladly do it for you.

   I wore a leather jacket and a lady said a cow was murdered for that... I said so you were a witness now I have to kill you too.

   Dear Lord, Please give us back Leslie Neilson and will let you have Justin Beiber, Richard Simmons, or Snooki......your pick

   WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

   Two Beer or not Two beer. William ShakesBEER

   It's not easy being humble when you're flawless.

   If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?

   Life is less like a box of chocolate and more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

   I don't know why you put your boat in Sh!t Creek to begin with.