Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   DNC motto "Let's Make America Not So Great Again"

   DNC motto " The tacos and africans are just dumb enough to vote for us"

   More tragic news out of the music industry. Dr Dre, while being detained by police, was being respectful without a weapon and was not shot and killed.

   "I can see Wikileaks from my house." -Sarah Palin

   Haven't had ice cream or alcohol in two weeks. I'm not sure which is more impressive but I did used to make alcoholic milkshakes.

   Here’s the complete A to Z guide to understanding the enhancements to every new iPhone: It has a better camera.

   Think fate is telling me to sell my Yahoo! stock.

   When any woman says, "That garbage can is full" she isn't challenging me to fit more in. She means empty the garbage.

   When I was your age my Dad got you lost, not Siri.

   Meditation helps me block out distractions and focus on what's important. I recommend it for anyone who wants to step up their napping game.

   TV psychic Ms Cleo had died from cancer, probably never saw it coming.

   Michael Brown's Mother is set to speak at the DNC tonight. Now I wasn't going to watch anymore of this crap, but I don't think that I'll be able to look away from this inevitable train wreck.

   Kevin Durant will still hear chants of MVP every night, they just won't be for him...

   May I have your attention please. May I have your attention. Will all Bernie supporters form a SINGLE FILE line and follow Chet Lemming to the safe place room. Please move QUIETLY

   Larry David is somewhere sheading a tear that he won't be playing Bernie Sanders for the next 4 years on SNL.

   Remember when we willingly bought mustard color clothes?

   That one way trip to Mars isn't looking so bad these days....

   People who swear a lot tend to be more honest, upfront, and loyal with their friends, partners and family. I find this fact offensive.

   Monica Lewinsky was asked if this was Bill Clinton's best speech ever. She said, "Close but no cigar".

   The NFL has cleared Peyton Manning of doing steroids so he won't have to sit out the first 4 games of his retirement.