Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   More Americans trust Fox News than the President on climate change according to a recent survey done by Fox News.

   By the time I get all these condoms unwrapped I had absolutely no interest in making balloon animals.

   Facebook didn't tell me it's your birthday is an awesome 21st century excuse.

   Anytime someone scrolls all the way to your first Facebook photo, you should get a notification. Or it should go straight to the police.

   I'll do anything for my fans here except produce quality work.

   So bored at work I can't even think of something to goggle

   Oprah: You've returned after 2000 years. What's your message for humanity? Jesus: I just want everyone to know I never wore those sandals.

   Cargo pants for babies?!?! You know, it's a place to put all the important stuff that babies carry with them.

   Absolutely despicable thats gingerbread men are forced to live in houses made of their own flesh.

   Got caught pissing in the swimming pool today at the YMCA. The lifeguard shouted so loud that I nearly fell in!

   Tell someone you love them today, because life is too short. But shout it to them in Russian, because life is also extremely terrifying and very confusing.

   It's like Canada is the concerned child watching her aging mother (Britain) and weirdo big brother (United States) descend into chaos in 2016, unsure who to worry over first.

   Sidenote: You can't hide a booger under a glass table.

   I'm not sure if there's anything sadder than watching someone eat Sonic in their car by themselves.

   Always wonder why do people even bother making good quality pinatas?

   Finally took my first selfie, and I think I heard Siri throw up a little in her mouth.

   Find an angry person at the bookstore. You can't.

   Life from the 1800's, my whole family died of diarrhea last night.

   Do soccer players actually pay for those hair cuts or do they just find the first drunk guy with a weed eater and insult his mother?

   Did you know people writing 1700's on all their checks was a problem most Americans faced in 1800.