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A lot of people do not realize thats the actor who played Wilson in Castaway is the same actor from the volleyball scene in Top Gun. 
Most historians agree that Marie Antoinette's first menstrual cycle was one of the greatest periods in history.
A more fitting name for Target would be "How The Heck Did I Spend $233.44?!?!"
A girl asked me if I wanted to go back to her place last night. She then proceeded to tell me she lived in a van with four roommates. That's New York City for yah!!!
Former 3rd world countries are perfect for hipsters. So many abandoned buildings to turn into cafes.
No one ever questions how Mayor McCheese managed to keep his job while the citizens of his town were being eaten.
...... "Barack INSANE Obama" .... Truth in advertising.
Reports say men who post selfies show pyschopathic tendencies. While women who post selfies just wanted to show everyone their "duck face".
I can't run from my problems because I am out of shape.
French toast is just toast that's surrendered.
Breaking News -- Family Guy's Quagmire loosely based on a young Bill Crosby.
The vending machine gave me an extra bag of Skittles today, hope my Dad loves his Father's Day gift.
Never seen a pair of high heels hanging over a telephone wire. Always sneakers. Someone get on that.
I've got 99 problems and all of them are luftballons. Why oh why do I have so many luftballons?!?!
I feel safer knowing the Democrats are trying to make a watch list for people on watch lists..
Personally, I think Disney World is taking it's Animal Kingdom experience to far.
Screw Finding Dory... Let's find Clintons deleted emails!
If your dog loves hanging his head out the window of the car as you are driving but growls when you blow in his face, you need a breath mint.
There is a new singing comedian sex offender ... His name is Bing Cosby
Children fill a void in your life that you never knew existed. And promptly destroy everything else.
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