Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   pretty sure that mother nature has been taken over by an evil step-mother!!!

   Remember kids...skinny girls freeze to death faster!

   January is my least favorite month. So...no Dr. Pepper chaser with the bourbon. Nuff said. New Years resolutions back in the drawer. Whew, I thought I was gonna have to do a third sit-up. Praise the Lord and hand me that ice bucket.

   Successful 8-hour sleep diet. Woke up and rewarded willpower with gravy biscuits and sweet tea. HAPPY HUMP DAY, Y'ALL!

   If you have to have a job as host of are you smarter than a fifth grader. Then you just might be a terrible comedian.

   January: that special time of the year when a children's Christmas toys & their parents are BOTH broke..

   I used to be confused but now I just don't know

   they say Facebook is worth $50 billion, Facebook you think you could pay someone to fix all the dam glitches

   the pill is the second best thing a girl can put in her mouth to avoid pregnecy....

   the pill the second best thing a girl can put in her mouth to avoid pregnecy....

   I like to hover my mouse pointer over the "Remove Friend" link - it's like having my very own Tantalus Field.

   I'm pissed. Somebody stole my 330 million dollars!

   I finally got my own back for Christmas shopping: I took my girlfriend into eight different pubs without getting a drink and then went back into the first one and bought a pint.

   Went to Toys R Us to buy my niece a Barbie Doll for her B-day. All the Barbies were $19.99 except for Divorced Barbie, which was $59.99. So I asked an employee why Divorced Barbie cost so much more. She said it was because she comes with Ken's house,

   exclusive for girls : if you want to make 0.5 KG of fat attractive ..........................just put a nipple on it :)

   Everyone seems normal.. Until you get to know them.

   yes I wet the bed from drinkin to much last night..and cause I wanted her gone by the time I woke up to see how ugly she was

   Hookers dont like to snuggle..

   Sitting here, eating my Klondike bar, thinking....."I can't frickin believe I just did that!!"

   Facebook: the place where you are a nice person when you add someone and become an ***hole when you delete them.