Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   20s: Sure, I'll take the floor... 30s: The floor? No, But I'll sleep on the couch.... 40s: What thread count are your sheets?

   You want to get the PERFECT body, it's easy... 😮 Walk up hill, a lot.. & only eat meat. 👍........ *Sponsored by Ed's hillwalking & meats Ltd

   I got kicked out of Subway again for NOT talking on my iPhone when ordering a sandwich

   ....... Why do illegal Mexican trespassers wave the Mexican Flag at protests in America but refuse to live in their home country of Mexico ....

   Cinco De Mayo,Celebrated more in the Southwest than in Mexico, Because there is MORE Freedom in America where they are trespassing than in the country Mexico where they came from. But constantly complain that the US is not enough like Mexico

   Maybe she's born with spit. Maybe it's Vaseline.

   They're called 'selfies' because the only one who's interested in them is yourself.

   I'll see your happy endings and raise you a lifetime filled with fabulous moments. Your call!

   It's English, not 'American English'. There is no such thing as 'American English', there is English and there are people who don't know how to speak or write English.

   Being gay is ok. Being bisexual is ok. Being transgender is ok. Being straight is ok. Wearing crocs....no f*cking ok.

   Interesting Fact: People who say "Suck my genitals".....95% women and 5% men.

   If her bra matches her panties when you take off her clothes, it wasn't you who decided to have sex.

   Laying in bed in the middle of the night trying to decide if it's worth it to get up and pee or if you can hold it in until the morning....

   I'm a huge fan of screaming "You're welcome" really loud when people don't say thank you...

   Dear bill collectors, I know I still owe you....but I have some GOOD NEWS!!! I typed "Amen" on a Facebook post, and in 48 hours, I will get a TON of money. So, when I get it, I will pay you.

   "Taco Bell isn't even real Mexican food." Hey!!! I'm not going for an authentic Mexican cuisine. I'm going because I'm broke and like tacos.

   My friend David had his ID stolen the other day, now we just call him Dav.

   What comes after the man bun hairstyle? The he-hive!

   I've decided I'll never get down to my original weight and I'm ok with that. After all, 7 lbs 4 oz is just not realistic.

   If a girl tells you she has a nipple ring, the only correct response is "I don't believe you."