Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   geta Life opinions can be hilarious. Like thinking yours is going to stop us.

   Sorry Syracuse, but if I wanted to see an Orangeman lose by that much, I would just check the general election polls!

   All the keyboard warriors these days... SMH. They all probably get scared $h!tless when the toast pops up..

   The Americans are the only ones in the world that think their elections are actually real . Everybody else just sees different fingers off the same corporate puppet . .

   You really understand how drunk you are when you're peeing...

   If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Genocide.

   The flowers are blooming. The grass is green. The popcorn is ready. Baseball is back. Another excuse to drink more beer....

   If April showers bring Mayflowers, what do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims.

   Hugs that turn into sex? Where do I get those? Mine always turn into "Let me go or I'm calling the police!"

   I read that cucumber slices over your eyes reduce puffiness and wrinkles but they just made me drive into a tree

   If Obama was so great, why do you need Bernie or Hillary to fix things?

   I was going to smoke a joint with some Mexicans. I asked if any of them had papers and the all ran away.

   The recommended age to have a Ouija Board is 8+ years old. So, you need to be 21 years old to drink alcohol and 8 to summon the devil.

   It took dozens and dozens of flushes, but my guinea pig's funeral is finally over.

   Duct tape can't fix stupid Hillary Clinton supporters, but it can muffle the sound.

   Some people think they are champagne in a tall glass, when in actual fact they're luke warm piss in a red plastic cup.

   If I ever use "there" instead of "their" and "your" instead of "you're" in the same joke here, I've been kidnapped and am signalling for help....

   Oh I so enjoy reading on weekend nights on things that I could have been doing.

   I played an April Fool's joke on my landlord by not paying rent....I am wondering if this eviction notice is the real deal.

   Perfect Pickup Line For April: "I want to do to your body what the IRS does to your income."