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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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If I could do the Jedi mind trick, I would get an insane amount of oral sex.
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03-20-2016 11:02
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There's two sides to every coin, which makes cents.
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03-20-2016 17:32 by
skillz
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FACT: A baby is basically just a meatloaf that can look around a bit
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03-20-2016 20:37 by
unknown comic
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Anyone know how long we are supposed to "Shake It Off"? Taylor never specified and frankly I'm exhausted!
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03-20-2016 20:44 by
unknown comic
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I haven't lost my virginity yet cause I never lose, I'm a winner I want to win.
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03-21-2016 06:39
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When your sassy personalized license plate promises a lifestyle your Hyundai can't deliver.
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03-21-2016 06:56
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At the end of the day, a clown somewhere is busy washing off the makeup after a hard day at the circus. A woman somewhere is also doing the same.
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03-21-2016 07:16
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I'm not here to fix your problems, i'm here to set an example of what happens when your problems don't get fixed.
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03-21-2016 07:30
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"I'm turning over a new leaf" -Adam telling Eve that he's seeing another woman
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03-21-2016 07:35 by
Czovczov
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Studies suggest that 9 out of 10 men prefer a women with curves. The 10th man drives a Ford and prefers the other 9 men.
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03-21-2016 07:53
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I will never lose my virginity cause I wanna set a good example for my kids
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03-21-2016 08:29
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when filling out the app. for my drivers license it ask for my race, I put down nascar...
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03-21-2016 11:35
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Before smartphones I remembered phone numbers. Like lots. Of all my friends and family. Was I Rain Man?
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03-21-2016 11:35 by
andrew jackson
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FACT: They'll never give me control of the church bells and even if they do I’ll abuse it and lose the privilege so fast.
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03-21-2016 11:38 by
andrew jackson
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I'm here to do three things: learn how to count and fight people who call me a liar. And buddy, I already learned to count.
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03-21-2016 11:39 by
andrew jackson
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Texted my wife "Nooooooo!" but it autocorrected to "Mooooooo!" and now I can never come home
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03-21-2016 11:41 by
andrew jackson
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Felt my phone vibrate in my back pocket. Looked over and saw my phone on the table. Afraid to check my back pocket.
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03-21-2016 11:45 by
unknown comic
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"I've looked everywhere" to men is really.. "I gazed around the floor then opened and shut 3 cabinets"
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03-21-2016 11:51 by
snotty
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I gained so much Winter weight, I had to go buy a pregnancy test just to be sure
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03-21-2016 11:52 by
snotty
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Please enjoy my TED Talk, "Turn Signals: They're How You Tell Other Drivers What the Heck You're Doing"
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03-21-2016 11:58 by
unknown comic
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