Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   People need to stop demanding respect and start earning respect.

   The one thing about this group of presidential candidates that we can all agree on is that none of them are fuckable.

   Some people are so full of $h!t they should have flush handles instead of ears.

   Kanye West is 53 million in debt...I heard Taylor Swift has started a go fu%# yourself account...

   Not to brag, but I pull the correct ceiling fan chain about 2% of the time.

   Spent $300 at a steak house last night... today, my poop does not look any better.

   Being a grown-up is stupid....let's build a tree house and throw water balloons at people.

   Scorpio, Libra, Pisces, Cancer, Virgo, Leo: Selfless lovers. There's nothing they wouldn't do for the people they love. Including hiding a dead body....

   PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome.

   Did you know chicken pot pie is my favorite 3 things?

   If Mom's Made Candy Hearts Messages: "Shut the door", "Let me finish my coffee", "It's wherever you left it", "I said...get your shoes on", "You're not hungry you're bored", "I saw that".

   Kanye asking Mark Zuckerberg for $1billion on Twitter is like walking into an Apple store and asking to speak to Bill Gates.

   Sesame Street: Say, Ernie, would you like some ice cream? Sherbert.

   Money can't buy happiness, but it can buy you a penguin. Have you ever seen a sad person who owns a penguin?

   Lunch 11:35 This bible verse always keeps me going....

   A major shout out to hotel maids and maintenance people on February 15th.

   Never ever trust a person who doesn't like dogs.

   A hangover is just your body reminding you that you're an idiot.

   I wonder how people used to receive their blessings before Facebook was invented for them to type AMEN and I RECEIVE

   Camping is the answer. Who cares what the question is.