Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I think we should line up all the presidential candidates and see which one a dog doesn't bark at. That person should become president.

   Martin Sheen would be the best President, let's all vote him in.

   Did Bernie Sanders wander off from the nursing home again?

   Bernie Sanders says feel the Bern but it's really Bengay

   Does Dunkin Donuts make a body spray?... *Asking for a friend..

   [dog on trial for murder]... Lawyer: Who's a good boy?... Dog: I am... Lawyer: Your honor, I rest my case....

   MARY: I'm worried Joe,, I found 4 bottles of wine in his room... JOSEPH: They were just water when he went in there, I'll have a talk with him.... *from upstairs* YOU'RE NOT MY REAL DAD

   [knights of the wobbly table].... "Can we get some more napkins over here?"

   In a final selfless gesture, Abe Vigoda will be donating his ear hair to Locks Of Love.

   I apologize a lot for someone who is always right.

   Bernie Sanders is proof that the Vietnam war took America's Best and Brightest

   Most people don't think I'm as old as I am until they hear me stand up.

   I don't want to be friends with someone any longer. Do I lend them money, or tell them how I really feel about their spouse?

   Admit it, we all have that special someone we'd visit if given a tank to drive for a day

   “We don't lick people!” - Lies adults tell kids

   Once I run out of the reasons to argue that's when I'll divorce

   We always want what we can't have. In my case, it's silence.

   If you see a grown man swinging in a playground by himself you know you're about to die.

   Does anyone know if oral $ex is Gluten free. Asking for a friend. . .

   finish your salad. a thousand islands died to make that dressing.