Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I Swear This Is The Last Time I Watch Groundhog Day

   You can stick your marshmallow world and stick it up your marshmallow ass.

   wait till they get a load of me.. or is that from me.. I can never get that line right

   The definition of Vegetarian is an Indian word for bad hunter. . .

   I'll bet the same guy that named the fireplace named Newfoundland.

   My birthstone is just a frozen pizza.

   FYI,,, Bobcat is just short for Robertcat. ...*Science.

   I used to be f#cking stupid, but her and I broke up about 10 years ago. . .

   Anyone planning on watching Lucifer tonight? Just to clarify, I'm not talking about the new TV show on Fox, I'm talking about Hillary Clinton at the Democratic Town Hall debate on CNN.

   Look on the bright side, Hillary. Nelson Mandela did get elected president until after he'd served 27 years in prison.

   I'm going to hang a Batman outfit in my closet to screw with myself when I get Alzheimer's.

   Bernie, Bernie, oh Bernie Sanders....he's such an angry old man who needs his medication.

   Bernie Sanders need to start drinking decaffeinated coffee.

   So it seems Serena Williams continues to live inside Maria Sharapova's head rent-free.

   If you would vote for Hillary Clinton, it's only obvious that you are in a long distance relationship with reality.

   Imagine being 5 minutes from the end of the longest movie ever & it starts over because it forgot something. That's my kid telling a story.

   People who try to test my patience don't realize it's an exam I don't plan on passing

   Thankfully, my Guardian Angel gets Hazardous Duty pay.

   My cat probably thinks I'm cleaning my ice cream...

   Hillary : I think it's time for a woman in the Oval Office. Bill: To late.