Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I think all the women who don't get a rose on the Bachelor should at least walk away with a cat.

   FYI,, All I did from 1988-1994,,,, was try to get the shards of Cap'n Crunch out off the roof of my mouth

   Hmmmm,,, Why are long underwear like 42% crotch?

   look, tom hanks with his whole family!!! #hanksalot

   The steady fall of oil prices and subsequent decline of the Canadian dollar motivated me to diversify my investment portfolio from empties to Lotto Max.

   Girls who cut your shorts so that your pockets show. Why not just cut off the pockets? What are you hiding? Snacks? Tell me it's snacks.

   it, "kindergarden" or "kindergarten"?... I'm just wondering what grade level I need to start all over from.

   If a Donkey and Zebra ever mate they'd have to call the offspring a Zonkey because Debra is already taken.

   "That's not what I meant".................... *men

   I also refuse to turn the beat around........

   How would you know an albino polar bear if you saw one? (And don't say its eyes would be red. You wouldn't be able to get that close).

   Sarah Palin's son beats woman and yet she blames it on Obama? Haha, she should have raised a gentleman instead of a thug!

   Sarah Palin should also blame Obama for her daughter getting pregnant *sarcasm * Well her daughter is harder to pull out of than Iraq.

   Some chics place a flower in their hair like they're paying tributes to their dead brain.

   I was meditating this morning... ok actually I was sitting on my bed and starring 20 minutes at the wall... but it still counts

   Imagine if trees gave off WiFi signals. We'd be planting so many trees we'd probably save the planet. Too bad they only give off oxygen we need to breathe.

   Gas is so cheap now that Porter Ranch is giving it away!

   I heard on the radio a statistic that said that one out of three women in miami is pretty. I looked to the right...wow...I looked to the left...wow...I hit the car in front of me and a woman came out...wow.. Who the hell is collecting data?

   When you take away the purchasing power away from the hands of the majority and put it in the hands of the few, you have a housing crisis. By that I mean not enough palaces.

   Here's a TIP: Never ask a woman what's wrong and never not ask her either.