Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

   I Was just involved in a 'Canadian standoff....' (we were each holding the door open, insisting the other go first)

   Heartache tonight. RIP Glenn Frey.

   When you unlike my humanitarian posts, I think you're on the beast side, I imagine a person with an extreme antisocial disorder, say an undetected killer or with potential to be a serial killer.

   I'm celebrating mlk day. I use the Ebony category on p orn hub today

   Take your age, don't add anything don't subtract anything. That's your age.

   If you come across a stranger in a dark alley immediately hug him so he knows you're not a threat.

   The date I had last night didn't go very well. She called me immature. But its okay. She has cooties anyway. :-P

   Keep in mind that: 🍟 fries 🍔 burger 🍕 pizza 🍝 spaghetti 🍩 donut 🍦 ice cream 🎂 cake 🍫 chocolates will never break your ❤

   Why are rat traps in the car-care section of this Walmart supermarket? Plenty to catch if they set it at the front of the store..

   "Canadians are so polite" - people who have obviously never been to Canada

   It puts the lotion on its skin,, or it gets the eczema again.

   OK. So who else has a wife who says "Honey, will you taste this milk to see if it isn't spoiled?"

   Only cheaters vote for Hillary

   When all the women of twitter's periods finally synch, the world is over.

   I love your warm body. I love the way you smell, taste. The way you wake me up inside. Coffee

   My kid thinks I'm some kind of wizard because I can start a car by blowing in a tube.

   "You da bomb! No you da bomb!" -A compliment in America; an argument in Syria.

   This years summer swimsuit look is going to be a little something I like to call... busted can of biscuits.

   Yeah Right,, like YOU'VE never told a screaming child in 7-11 you had a surprise for him,, reached into your pocket,, and pulled out a middle finger...

   I Google-Earthed your house...... You're out of toilet paper.