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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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There is no such thing as a stupid question, but there are such things as stupid people who ask questions.
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01-13-2016 10:51
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I guess Paul Ryan won't be cheering for my Relay for Life team...
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01-13-2016 14:30 by
Scott Eff Cee
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I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. All I use it for is to signal my dealer so he doesn't drive past
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01-13-2016 14:52 by
Phreak
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I thought a vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant but apparently it only changes the color of the baby.
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01-13-2016 15:41
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Old expression modification Notice . : .. In addition to netflix and chill, doing Coffee and Cream ;) Has been approved That is all .
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01-13-2016 18:59
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Undercover Boss: Where you tell the world your boss is a moron, then he buys you a house.
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01-13-2016 19:18
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I hope the lottery girl pulls out my balls tonight....
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01-13-2016 21:11 by
bubba
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Crap, only missed the Powerball by 6 numbers.
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01-13-2016 23:41
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I shared the status of the power ball winner. I won!!!!! Nothing....
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01-13-2016 23:53
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I just checked my account balance at an ATM and it printed me a coupon for ramen noodles.
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01-14-2016 07:08
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I knew I had about as much of a chance of hitting a lotto last night as getting up and running this morning. That's about the 0%.
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01-14-2016 09:07
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Revenge is a dish best served cold. Also beer. Which is why I always drink beer when I'm revenging.
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01-14-2016 09:43
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RIP Alan Rickman! By Grabthar's Hammer, you shall be avenged!
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01-14-2016 10:21 by
Philusion
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Do strippers in the southern hemisphere spin around poles in the opposite direction as strippers in the northern hemisphere?
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01-14-2016 16:00
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My friend told me Alan Rickman had died. I said "You're joking?". She replied "Nope. Dead Sirius."
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01-14-2016 17:16 by
RikkiSowtz
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I just went to print out last nights Powerball numbers to see if I won.... and it printed me a coupon for ramen noodles.
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01-14-2016 18:00
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Are physical events truly individuated on the basis of spatio-temporal localization, or is this merely a convenient ontological mode of evading the influence of causal powers?
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01-14-2016 22:18 by
Wasabi
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If you don't star the tweet you can't have any pudding... How can you have any pudding if you don't star the tweet!
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01-15-2016 01:29 by
snotty
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Every cloud has a silver lining (except for the mushroom shaped ones, which have a lining of Iridium & Strontium 90).
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01-15-2016 08:56
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154 U.S. Walmarts are going to close, reducing their total number of open checkout lanes by 6.
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01-15-2016 10:27
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