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Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump
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so far, this is the oldest I've ever been
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02-15-2011 22:44 by
Justinjrouser
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Saw a guy return a wedding set at Walmart today and get his $36 back. I'm guessing her answer was, "No."
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02-15-2011 21:26 by
Nunthewizr
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The hardest part of driving to me is putting on my seatbelt. I just cant seem to find the time to take 3 seconds out of a 20 minute drive to buckle up. Its sad really
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02-15-2011 21:09
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Whenever I meet a girl I always greet her with my left hand...I dont want her to meet the competition
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02-15-2011 20:53 by
migasjoe
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checked in at Charlie Sheen's Bungalow
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02-15-2011 20:49 by
migasjoe
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So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear....its the fat that does that." So now I'm single again.
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02-15-2011 19:55
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After spending millions in research scientist still do not know exactly how long a cotton picking minute is.
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02-15-2011 18:49
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Be nice to your neighbors. They're the only ones who'll know the difference between your good scream and your bad scream
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02-15-2011 18:48
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stuck between a rock and someone I want to hit with it.
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02-15-2011 18:45
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how can I be so thirsty when I drank so much last night...????
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02-15-2011 18:45
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Weather Update. Cold with a chance of Nipples
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02-15-2011 18:44
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come on people driving is just like coloring, just stay inside the lines...
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02-15-2011 18:43
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If I'm ever on life support, pull the plug and plug it back in. See if that works.
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02-15-2011 18:42
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The other day someone was telling me that they make ice cubes out of left over wine. I was confused. What's left over wine?
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02-15-2011 18:42
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Oh Dark Goddess Caffeina who is known by many names, bless me this day and give me the energy to get all things done that are needed.
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02-15-2011 18:41
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Most awkward place on earth: An elevator. 5 strangers. Silence. A bad smell.
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02-15-2011 17:55
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If lifes a B*tch, Then Why Hasnt It made Me a Sandwhich?
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02-15-2011 17:55
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Quick to the point, to the point no faking I'm cooking MCs like a pound of bacon
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02-15-2011 17:46
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Bieber got a brit award. This makes me want to stick my genitals in a deep fat fryer...
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02-15-2011 17:23 by
Unknown
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farting in a bottle and capping it so I can smell it again next week....
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02-15-2011 17:00
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