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Page: 5 of 33
I just won my 143rd straight dance off against that Walmart greeter.
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01-12-2013 08:31 by
flinnie
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Go to the train station and make eye contact with someone as the train pulls away and then chase after it it while yelling "I LOVE YOU!"
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03-06-2013 07:08 by
flinnie
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It's a shame that people who start a sentence with, "I know it's none of my business," never leave it at that.
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03-09-2013 08:46 by
flinnie
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People will stop making small talk with you if you simply wear clown makeup whenever you're out in public.
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12-11-2012 06:27 by
flinnie
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Did any bad guy in Scooby Doo actually commit a crime? I'm pretty sure wearing a silly mask and scaring people isn't illegal.
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03-16-2011 05:54 by
flinnie
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I hate Walmart. The men's bathroom doesn't have any urninals! Just a bunch of women screaming telling me to get out
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05-03-2011 12:17 by
flinnie
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I don't remember if the toilet water was blue or not before I sat down, so there's a chance I'm magical.
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09-21-2011 20:51 by
flinnie
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No I didn't watch the VMA. I was unaware MTV EVEN showed music videos anymore
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08-29-2011 06:07 by
flinnie
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I joke a lot, but in reality nothing can stop me from reaching my goals, except for shiny distractions or moderate discomfort.
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06-30-2011 06:12 by
flinnie
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If you can listen to Phil Collins "In the air tonight" and not play the air drums, then you my friend have no soul!
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06-20-2011 06:01 by
flinnie
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I just can't stop thinking of all the people who signed my yearbooks that I have let down by failing to "stay cool"
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04-16-2013 06:22 by
flinnie
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If anyone ever texts me "who is this" I always respond "Jake from state farm"
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05-22-2013 06:34 by
flinnie
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"Is that your dog?" "No, actually she's adopted... we were unable to conceive a dog naturally ourselves"
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04-02-2015 05:36 by
flinnie
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Car commercials make driving around in empty parking garages look fun and normal and not suspicious or kidnappy.
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09-04-2011 05:33 by
flinnie
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I alternate between cautious optimism and reckless pessimism.
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02-02-2012 04:45 by
flinnie
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Yes, you are entitled to your opinion. Why you insist on being wrong is beyond me, but go nuts with it.
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05-23-2012 09:35 by
flinnie
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Congress has an approval rating of 13% you should know Naked cannibals on Bath Salts are at 18%.
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06-09-2012 00:59 by
flinnie
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You know what makes me mad? The fact that I know who Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian are.
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06-09-2012 06:17 by
flinnie
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i'm really good at walking along, minding my own business and then having something happen
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06-28-2012 07:08 by
flinnie
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Just told my dog "Don't walk in your own poop" and it strikes me as good advice to pass on to the rest of you as well. Please: don't.
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02-15-2014 05:51 by
flinnie
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