Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Until they get this spell-check problem with the iPhone fixed, it would be best not to text your wife and tell her she is looking fit.
←Rate | 11-10-2017 07:38 Comments (4)  


   messageicon There should be reality show where 16 congressmen are forced to take jobs in the private sector.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 08:59 Comments (1)  


   messageicon This book on marriage says treat your wife like you treated her on the first date so after dinner tonight I am dropping her off at her parents' house
←Rate | 01-01-2018 20:09 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let's just keep it in the carton, ok?
←Rate | 01-02-2018 19:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Word of the Day: Intaxication - That brief period of euphoria you feel between receiving a tax refund and then realizing it was your money to begin with.
←Rate | 02-12-2018 06:59 Comments (5)  


   messageicon Dating is cuddling on the sofa. Marriage is sleeping on the sofa.
←Rate | 02-27-2018 03:09 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon Alexa laughing and refusing to obey instructions? Better start working on your reasons to live for our new robot overlords
←Rate | 03-08-2018 22:47 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Please rephrase your question in the form of a compliment.
←Rate | 03-13-2018 02:30 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you were dating an FBI agent and you broke up, they would be your fed ex.
←Rate | 03-28-2018 13:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon does any one know how to lower the difficulty settings on tinder?
←Rate | 03-30-2018 14:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
←Rate | 04-10-2018 13:52 Comments (0)  


   messageicon You really can't say your laundry is done unless you are completely naked
←Rate | 04-10-2018 15:33 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Mark Zuckerberg is probably the last person we should trust, and I mean that both literally and alphabetically
←Rate | 04-11-2018 09:36 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Maybe I should have just gotten in the van.
←Rate | 04-12-2018 08:25 Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's a woman on my train whispering her texts as she types them and now we all know that kevin might have herpes.
←Rate | 04-14-2018 12:43 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Much as I like Guardians of the Galaxy, in real life, I don't think it's a good idea to give a gun to a raccoon.
←Rate | 05-29-2017 07:24 by unknown comic Comments (0)  


   messageicon A guy in a leather jacket told me that if I gave him a hundred dollars he'd give me three hundred back in a month. It sounded too good to be true, but then I realized that it was just a Fonzi scheme.
←Rate | 04-19-2018 08:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Say what you want about Pee Wee Herman. At least hes one actor that actually kept his hands to himself.
←Rate | 12-03-2017 23:23 Comments (2)  


   messageicon I love dieting I'm actually on 4 diets: Chinese, American, Italian and Mexican.
←Rate | 07-10-2017 17:03 by Aerotim Comments (0)  


   messageicon I think the golden rule for men should be, don’t say anything to a woman at work that you wouldn’t want another man to say to you in prison.
←Rate | 12-20-2017 05:44 Comments (0)  



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