Forget Trump - Funny Status Messages that are not about Trump

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   messageicon Politicians are people who have too little an amount of morals and ethics to remain lawyers.
←Rate | 07-21-2017 10:53 by Mickey Comments (0)  


   messageicon the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it
←Rate | 05-22-2017 07:39 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'll bet the guy who invented the snooze button never invented anything else.
←Rate | 06-24-2017 10:10 by BEE Comments (1)  


   messageicon One of the worst jobs in the world has to be a fruit stand vendor in a James Bond movie.
←Rate | 07-11-2017 09:28 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Congress is so strange. Someone gets up to speak, says nothing, nobody listens, and then everybody disagrees.
←Rate | 07-14-2017 07:44 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Turns out that my get rich painfully slow scheme isn't working out either.
←Rate | 07-26-2017 08:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon If you think your wife is crazy now. Wait untill you divorce her.
←Rate | 10-10-2017 08:05 by Jake Comments (0)  


   messageicon "Americans can always be counted on to do the right thing...after they have exhausted all other possibilities." ~ Winston Churchill
←Rate | 10-17-2017 09:03 Comments (7)  


   messageicon Things were said. Feelings were hurt. Your car was set on fire. My point is you’re wrong & Raphael isn’t the best Ninja Turtle. Get over it.
←Rate | 07-20-2017 00:25 Comments (1)  


   messageicon Sorry I yelled "Finish Him" at your wedding last Saturday
←Rate | 08-23-2017 14:35 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Who knew adulthood would involve so much Advil??
←Rate | 09-08-2017 11:03 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Cutting a hole in the bottom of a table with a saw to steal a pie is way harder than it looks in cartoons.
←Rate | 09-24-2017 22:08 by EverybodyLovesRaytard Comments (0)  


   messageicon Tweet others the same way you want them to tweet you.
←Rate | 09-27-2017 12:48 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I'm on my third round of candy that we are not eating before Halloween.
←Rate | 10-30-2017 14:55 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The first step to causing drama is making sure you tell everyone you hate drama.
←Rate | 10-22-2017 08:20 by unknowncomic Comments (0)  


   messageicon Failure is not an option. It comes bundled as part of the package.
←Rate | 10-28-2017 12:19 Comments (0)  


   messageicon Life doesn’t hand me lemons, it fires them at me rapidly from a lemon cannon.
←Rate | 10-29-2017 18:32 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon *accidentally skips the bottom step of the stairs* Oh my God. This must be what a sky diver’s rush feels like.
←Rate | 10-28-2017 08:46 Comments (0)  


   messageicon I cut my finger today while changing the spark plugs in my truck. I guess it is possible to get blood out of a tuneup.
←Rate | 10-27-2017 12:07 Comments (0)  


   messageicon The hardest part of carving a pumpkin nowadays is finding some newspaper to spread
←Rate | 10-26-2017 22:30 Comments (0)  



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