flinnie Funny Status Messages

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   messageicon When I was little, I used to sing in the shower. Now, I make life decisions in there
←Rate | 06-21-2011 05:51 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon If I were a Miss USA contestant, my go-to answer in the Q&A segment would be "Who cares? Did you see my rack and smile combo?"
←Rate | 06-21-2011 05:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I have an irrational fear of parking by a dumpster at night because I think a gorilla will jump out of it.
←Rate | 06-21-2011 05:53 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its impossible to say the word "ironic" without some idiot saying "don't ya think"...Thanks a lot Alanis Morissette
←Rate | 06-23-2011 05:41 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There's not many things more awkward than telling a guy with a rebel flag t-shirt you're from Gettysburg, Pa
←Rate | 06-23-2011 05:42 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon 85% of women go through life with the wrong bra size. Meanwhile every guy over 17 can tell you the exact measurement of their d!ck. Who's smarter now ladies?
←Rate | 06-24-2011 09:28 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Its up to you if you want to sneak your IPod into a meeting. Just don't do an air drum solo. It gives you away.
←Rate | 06-28-2011 11:10 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I am still disappointed that I was not nominated for a BET award.
←Rate | 06-28-2011 11:13 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Kanye West leaned back in his chair, stroking his Persian cat. His scheme to become the biggest douche in the world was coming to fruition.
←Rate | 06-29-2011 06:27 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When you're full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
←Rate | 06-29-2011 17:43 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither works.
←Rate | 06-29-2011 17:44 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Shia LaBeouf has every vowel in his name, which might be the most interesting thing about him.
←Rate | 06-30-2011 06:05 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I joke a lot, but in reality nothing can stop me from reaching my goals, except for shiny distractions or moderate discomfort.
←Rate | 06-30-2011 06:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon It's that time to year to find out what your friends with pools have been up to since last summer
←Rate | 06-30-2011 14:50 by flinnie | Tags: Filtered Comments (0)  


   messageicon if you're the type of neighbor that likes to scream and yell till 3am, then I'll be the type of neighbor to mow at 6am!
←Rate | 07-02-2011 08:14 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon the next person that tells me they have a 3 day weekend is getting a firework shoved up their poop shoot!
←Rate | 07-02-2011 16:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon People are so predictable..I bet you're even reading this status right now.
←Rate | 07-05-2011 06:12 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Canadian bacon is just ham wrapped in a lie
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:21 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon I like to relive my single days when my wife gets home late by eating dinner standing over the sink.
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:25 by flinnie Comments (0)  


   messageicon Florida, you just want attention don't you? Casey Anthony, Tim Tebow, the election of 2000. Its always about you, isn't it?
←Rate | 07-06-2011 13:26 by flinnie Comments (0)  



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