Danmanz Funny Status Messages

   "I'm not like most girls." ~ Most girls

   Wanna put your relationship's trust to the test, switch phones for a day. See who gets uncomfortable and defensive about the idea first.

   Ok Facebook since you're so damn nosey, What's on YOUR mind?

   I may be old a hell when Playstation 9 comes out around the year 2072, but I'll feel like a kid when I get my hands on it.

   wanna brag about how many followers you have and don't know, talk about useless crap, and prove to people how lonely you are.....Then join Twitter.

   Yes Google/Gmail, I know already! Enough with the reduced privacy policy reminders. You want to make it easier for the government to track us. Yeah yeah I get it!!

   A drunk man speaks what a sober man thinks.

   TSA = Touchy Squeezy Abusers

   Today In the Facebook Stock Market, 'Happy Easter' status updates are up 200%, 'Stupid Group Invitations' are up 50%, 'Friendship Bonding' plummets and 'Exaggerations' are down 3.40 pts on the Nasdaq.

   I would like to give a big shout out to all the pissed off kids who only get one set of presents a year because their birthday is too close to Christmas.

   If you decide to dress up as Lance Armstrong for this Halloween, just remember to give all the candy back at the end of the night.

   Excellent! My prediction of the millions of "Merry Christmas" status updates is coming along perfectly. Now all I need is a million "Happy New Years" status updates and my goals of knowing the obvious will be complete.

   You ever wonder what the person on the other side of the mirror is wondering about you?

   Dear BP, ....Lower your gas prices a good amount and we'll call it even.

   Ladies are forever saying "all men are dogs", but what they fail to realize is that dogs are loyal as fu¢k if you treat them right.

   you know its sad when your mother is on facebook and guys younger than you are poking her.

   Chocolate contains 'phenylethylamine'. That's the same natural chemical your brain produces when you fall in love. And you wonder why women like chocolate.

   Bathroom mirrors are either the luckiest or the unluckiest objects in the house

   why kiss....when you can tell her lips a secret.

   Newton's 3rd Law of Emotion: For every male action, there is a female overreaction