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Snotty Funny Status Messages
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Whole Foods sells $10 gift cards... The perfect gift for a loved one who wants two onions.
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10-28-2012 23:31 by
snotty
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Just found out I got another A in my daughter's science class.
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10-04-2013 07:53 by
snotty
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Being an adult is mostly being exhausted, wishing you hadn't made plans, and wondering how you hurt your back.
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06-05-2014 19:08 by
snotty
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So sad that out of 200 countries in this world,, America ranks 35th in the world in math... But at least that keeps us still in the top 10%
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06-12-2012 09:05 by
snotty
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Math Problem: If Matt has 16 oz of coffee and loses 4 oz at each of 5 speed bumps going into work, how many seconds until Matt kills everyone?
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03-21-2012 20:15 by
snotty
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Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 42,337 times,, and you are a weather man.
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02-29-2012 07:21 by
snotty
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Can you even imagine how long the Carfax report is on the Batmobile
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10-12-2013 14:37 by
snotty
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PRO TIP: You can put a baseball card between the spokes on a Prius, and make it sound like a real car
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10-12-2013 15:23 by
snotty
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I just won an award for being lazy,,,It even came with atrophy
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04-11-2012 07:02 by
snotty
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Bands who can't afford a smoke machine should hire my wife to cook at their concert
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10-17-2012 22:57 by
snotty
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I'm surprised people still ask me if I want to hold their baby given the number of times I've dropped my phone.
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04-11-2012 12:41 by
snotty
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There's now a Taco Bell taco with a shell made out of Doritos?,, Hmmm, It seems that our junk foods have started hunting each other.
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03-12-2012 17:11 by
snotty
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Twenty percent of all relationships fail because someone buys a selfie stick.
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09-27-2015 19:31 by
snotty
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By show of hands, who's been fooled 3 times and not known who to blame?
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12-05-2014 07:46 by
snotty
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Your car took up two spaces,, So I tried to move it over with my key.
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04-28-2015 23:18 by
snotty
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GIRLS: To make a guy panic, simply ask ,, " Notice anything different?'................. * works EVERY time
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04-24-2014 10:35 by
snotty
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If you want to have fun with your kids, tell them the teacher called, then ask if there is something they need to tell you.
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08-11-2016 18:22 by
Snotty
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I already want to take a nap tomorrow
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05-03-2012 15:55 by
snotty
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Only 10 days until Facebook is stacked with return to the gym statuses and pictures of salads.
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12-28-2012 16:27 by
snotty
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I think "Don't Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills.
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11-08-2012 18:19 by
snotty
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